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I'm dating a girl with the goal of finding a girlfriend. She told me before that it's weird for her to kind of be in a relationship but not properly. I thought she meant that the beginning phase of a relationship is weird to her but yesterday she hinted to be pretty heavily that she expects an explicit start of our relationship, meaning that I have to ask her for it.

I thought this kind of thing always happens implicitly. Apparently, I was wrong.

Some context: We're pretty young (She's 18; I'm 23.) and are German.

My question is: How do I ask her for a relationship? I'm not asking about how to find out whether she wants to be my girlfriend; I already know that she does. I'm asking about how to put it in words. Is the sentence "Willst du mit mir gehen?" still something people say?

closed as off-topic by sphennings, TheRealLester, Jon.G, Jess K., Lord Farquaad Jun 29 '18 at 17:27

  • This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, within the scope defined in the help center.
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • I am not german but from what I have heard, there is something extremely different (at least from France) in how man behave with woman when trying to seduce. So the German context here is really important to take into consideration. But I can't really explain it properly as I don't really know. – Walfrat Jun 29 '18 at 13:21
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this is a phrasing request. The community has determined that such questions are off topic for this site. – sphennings Jun 29 '18 at 14:55
  • You may want to reword your question to be "How can I best facilitate a conversation about starting a relationship?" to move it further from being a phrasing request. – scohe001 Jun 29 '18 at 15:29
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At first, the sentence "Willst du mit mir gehen?" is not something younger people might understand. You should be more direct with something like "Willst du mit mir zusammen sein?" or "Willst du meine Freundin sein?". This way you avoid any awkward confusion.

So now we got what you should say. Lets go to the part of when. I would do it in a more romantic moment where you are maybe kissing for a while and the lights are a bit dim (this is my preference). I would strongly advise against a situation where you are in a hurry to get somewhere or need something done as this can totally ruin the atmosphere of the moment.

To summarize:

  • Romantic atmosphere with no time pressure whatsoever
  • Clearly state your intentions with a sentence that leaves no room for guessing

English translation for both sentences:

  • "Willst du mit mir zusammen sein?" - "Do you want to be (in a relationship) with me?"
  • "Willst du meine Freundin sein?" - "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
  • @Walfrat I added the translation for the two sentences I suggested, but I am not 100% sure that they are actually correct. English isn't my native language and therefore the translations might be a bit off of the original meaning – XtremeBaumer Jun 29 '18 at 13:23
  • it is just to have a rough idea of what you're saying, we're not in english.SE :) – Walfrat Jun 29 '18 at 13:24
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Your approach of starting a relationship implicit is not wrong. You do not get a relationship by declaration, because you can not declare feelings / attraction... But you can declare your relationship as official, telling your family, friends, stranges who ask, that you are in a relationship. This leads to several possibilities:

  • You can ask her how she views the relationship of you ("Do you consider us as a couple?"). I did that myself with my current girlfriend and it worked. However this is not really romantic, so if she is a romance girl, I would not do it. There is also an advantage if she says no, because there is no rejection which can make things akward. But if she is shy, she might be afraid of saying "I think we are a couple.", although she wants to be one.

  • Ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend ("Do you want to be my girlfriend?"). This is more romantic, considering her being young, it is a suitable approach in my opinion.

  • Tell her that you see her and you as a couple. ("I think we can call ourselfs boyfriend and girlfriend!"). This is not romantic aswell, but makes it easier for her to agree, in comparison with the first suggestion.

You should also consider the surroundings while asking, if she likes romance, you can ask her after a nice dinner (or what ever she considers romantic e.g. bring flowers). If both of you are not so much into romance just ask her during a date at home. Most important point is, to do it in a way, which suits your personality!

"Willst du mit mir gehen?" is a expression, which is more for teens (in my opinion and regarding experience with friends). "Willst du meine Freundin sein?" or "Willst du mir mir zusammen sein?" would be more suitable I think.

PS.: Good Luck :)

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