I've been with my current girlfriend for more than a year now and very happy with her. To me, she feels like 'the one' and every time I see her or am with her, I feel on top of the world. A few months ago, she confessed to me that she started to like another guy from her study, but is not in love with. I didn't really knew how to react to this but I said I appreciated the fact that she shared me with this pointing out that I appreciated that she was honest to me, but that I cannot handle the fact that she is seeing this guy on a daily basis (because of her study).
A few things you should know about this situation and what followed:
- This guy knows my girlfriend is in a relationship but he apparently does not care: he once send a shirtless picture to my girlfriend (at the moment I was sitting next to her) and this resulted in a big fight between me and my girlfriend. He also told her that he wants to fight for her, but luckily my girlfriend told me that there is no reason to fight for her because she wants to be with me;
- What followed is that I forced her to stop having contact with this dude, because I could not handle her being in contact with him. I could notice she didn't agree with this but she talked to him and said that they should stop talking to each other. This all did result in me getting distrustful in my girlfriend and said to her that it needs a lot of time for me to get over this and to gain my full trust for her back. After a while, she told me that the fact that I forced her not to talk to him anymore, resulted in her 'getting pushed towards him' by me because I forbid her something (this was really hard for me because I don't want to be this kind of boyfriend, but at the time forcing her to stop having contact was the only possible solution I could think of, hoping she would lose interest in him);
- From time to time, when I am by myself, I get caught in this mindset where I get totally insane just by thinking about another guy trying to mess with the relationship between me and my girlfriend (i.e. getting really aggressive and wanting to punch this dude in the face / getting real sad). This affects my mood significantly and sometimes results in me and my girlfriend getting back in a fight where I point out that I cannot handle it. She then tells me I should not worry, that she is loves me very much and that I am perfect for her.
The guy and my girlfriend will not see each other anymore after the coming week. There will be a summer break coming, she will do an internship somewhere else in the coming year so that is the thing that keeps my hopes high.
A lot of you guys will say that I should break up, which I can't. This would affect me in such a way that I cannot handle. She is in almost every way perfect for me. For example: I have a mentally disabled sister and she is the first woman in my life who is truly putting effort in trying to communicate with her / doing this with her, which is very important for me.
I know that they sometimes share communication, mainly about the projects they are working on. But still, I find this very hard because somewhere I am afraid he is still flirting with her.
To point out, I am not a weak person or afraid to say what I think except for one thing: I am afraid that when I keep asking her to stop communicating with this guy, I will push her in 'his arms'.
My question is:
How do I tell my girlfriend how I feel about all this without pushing her further away and make sure my girlfriend won't stay in touch with this guy? Am I handling this wrong ?
I'm looking for different perspectives so I can find a way to handle the situation (which I currently clearly can not).
So, to let you guys know what happened a few weeks later:
She admitted she cheated on me several times after I accidentally saw some way too erotic messages on her phone send by him to her (and by cheating I really mean cheating i.e. having sex)
I broke up with her immediately, even though she really wanted me back, cried for hours, called me multiple times (even in the middle of the night). This has again been a big lesson for me: trust is the fundemental of a relationship, and when you can't trust each other, you better leave before you get feelings wrecked as she did with mine. It has been hard to get over it, and still every night I lay in my bed with lots of aggression and sadness.
So, if someone is in the same situation as I was, keep my story in mind.