3

We live in a large and expensive city with really high real-estate costs. Both me and my wife are around 30 years of age. It's been over Four years into my marriage now. My wife is constantly worried that there is no substantial property that I could be inheriting from my parents.

She has been bringing this topic up, multiple times during the past year, resulting into a heated argument almost every time. Meanwhile my dad is building a house for himself, on the countryside far-away and constantly asks me to help him out financially. His retirement money pays almost 80% of the cost of this house. We believe it will go to my step-mom later. He recently called me up for some money, when my wife was around and that resulted into another of such arguments.

My parents and my siblings, when we were young, we lived among relatively poor neighbourhood. My dad was the only breadwinner of our family and many of his colleagues were alcoholics and gamblers. My dad at the same time, did not drink or smoke and paid for all of my education and now considers himself the best parent (he even mentioned it to me once). So, thinks it's disloyal of me to not help him financially now. I did help him financially a lot. But, he always wants more. He even stopped calling me up, when I said I don't have the money.

I'm a slight introvert and I could say a geek too. I did pretty average in studies. But, I'm doing well at work and manage to make a pay-check pretty close to what people with double my experience make (with the exact same education).

My wife has been working on her career for the past four years and holds a position slightly less common for people of her experience. Most of her equals at her job happen to be at least 3 year older than her.

It constantly intrigues her that all of her male colleagues and female colleagues' husbands have at-least a house of their own in the city, usually inherited from their parents. But, we have none such and it will take us about 10 years to save enough to own a reasonable house in the city. Despite all her efforts.

Now, I understand that the problem itself has no easy solutions.

How can I handle this situation, when it comes to relationship with my wife specifically. I need her to stop worrying about this issue. Or at-least prevent arguments in the future, if that's not possible.

closed as too broad by Imus, TheRealLester, Rory Alsop, Jon.G, Erik Jul 5 '18 at 12:18

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • 4
    If your father is asking you for a financial contribution to the house he is building, is there an agreement you could come to where you partly inherit the house at a later time? Has such a possibility been discussed? – user8671 Jul 5 '18 at 11:21
  • 2
    Welcome to interpersonal.SE! It looks like you're in an interesting situation but the question as it is now looks rather broad to me. Could you focus on either talking with your wife about your situation or talking with your dad to agree on more realistic expectations? (Also, it might be worth posting on money.stackexchange.com on what you can do to ensure that what you invest in your father's home doesn't go to your step-mom in the future). – Imus Jul 5 '18 at 11:33
  • 1
    Please avoid asking multiple questions in one post. Please focus on one clear and answerable question. Are you asking how to talk to your wife about this, or is this about talking to the father? – Kaspar Scherrer Jul 5 '18 at 11:34
  • 3
    Well, this is a hard one. We're not here to write your arguments for you, but you could focus on how to present the arguments you have. But for that, we'll need more information about how the conversations you have with your wife go... What you usually do/say when you're having such a discussion, and how. And how your wife reacts to that, what she says, and how she says it... – Tinkeringbell Jul 5 '18 at 13:56
  • 3
    What about your wife’s parents? I’m sure they will leave a nice home to you? – gnasher729 Jul 5 '18 at 15:12

Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.