Context: My boyfriend uses a wheelchair.
Problem: The two of us have opposite preferences on how we want to manage our time together. I like having things planned and organized in advance. I constantly think about what we can do next, be it a trip, a night out or a date. My boyfriend does usually enjoy participating in the activities I plan for us, but quite often he gets tired of my having to plan everything in advance, because to some extent I need his involvement in the process. He himself often prefers to have no plans, i.e. to wake up and decide what to do next on a step-by-step basis. A few examples of the conflicting situations:
- When we wake up in the morning during weekend and have no plans for that day, I panic that we'll spend the whole day at home and I push him to make some plans to go out. However, for him the whole purpose of a Sunday morning is not having to think about what he should or will do. Either way one of us ends up disappointed and in a bad mood.
- When I think of some activity that we agreed to do together, I like the regularity in it. I haven't managed to find a way to make such regular appointments with him, which I see as a lack of commitment on his part. On the other hand, he doesn't like having a fixed schedule and responds to my attempts as if I were limiting his freedom.
Question: How can I approach my partner about planning and organizing our time when it's something I enjoy and he finds tiring?
Not a solution: I would like to remain in this relationship, also because I do value the differences between us as something I can learn from.
Edit: A few points of clarification in response to answers/comments:
- When I ask him why he does not like to plan things, he tells me that from time to time he likes to have nothing planned so that he can do whatever he wants when he wants it. Also, when I consult my plans with him he often asks me if we really need to talk about it at that moment and it's tiring for him to make decisions about something far in the future.
- We both have a lot of individual hobbies, so each of us has something to do when left on their own. Perhaps I prefer to do my things when he is around (busy with something else), so I easily miss his presence.
- I am flexible when things do not go as planned.