I'll clarify my question right away:
I'm 20, from France.
While drunk at a party organized at a friend's house, I was with 4 friends in a room when somebody joked about a girl I brought: "Hey, you brought here to flirt right lmao?", which I responded to (still joking) amongst the line of "Yeah, of course, but seems like a fail for me so if anybody want's to try she's single". Except the people I was with didn't hear what I said, but one of them decided to tell her, which got me in big trouble. I sent a message to the guy who told her because I thought he would be quite embarrassed knowing that he brought me in trouble, I wanted to reassure him that I wasn't mad and we were still friends, etc. This is what I sent:
"I'm disappointed that you told her, I was drunk, everybody knows how stupid I am when I'm drunk, it was really not useful to tell her except if you wanted to put me in useless trouble... Anyway I'm not mad a you but we probably won't see each other much as the girl is mad at me now and you hang out with her most of the time.
Which he replied to with a really hard tone aswell as insulting me:
"You'd better assume your shit instead of telling me it's my fault, you clearly didn't seem so drunk and even if you was that's absolutely no excuse to talk like this about a girl which you consider as a "friend", especially since nobody asked you to open your mouth at that moment.
All I see is that you are dumb enough to find that disappointing when I tell the main party involved about what you said as she didn't ask anything at that moment as well as being my best friend at the party and in general, and you are searching yourself shitty excuses to make it seem right on top of that. I am glad you are not mad at me! You fucked up, not me, if you didn't want her to know you just had to shut your fucking mouth, no need to search further."
I find that pretty hypocritical for two major reasons:
- The guy wasn't that much involved in our discussion.
- I could have 'shut my mouth' but what about him? It wasn't useful at all to tell her. I feel like he just wanted to get me in trouble which is pretty weird for someone who's supposed to be a friend.
To be honest when I read his response I was so shocked I didn't even knew what to respond so I said something like "no need to be aggressive, I'm completely against all you said except the part where I fucked up", I basically responded like he was right.
Some background context:
I was at a party recently and got drunk, as it was the main reason why this party took place. A bunch of friends (4 peoples) were playing action/truth and I decided to join them. I know 3 of them really well and the last one is more of a guy I know a bit, I did hang out a few time with him and we talk time to time but that's all. The 3 peoples i mentioned earlier have the same relationship with him if not worst (2 of them I don't think they know him that much apart from seeing him a few times). A guy joked about a girl I brought, I joked with him as well, and the guy I'm the less close to decided to tell the girl. She is really mad at me, and since the said guy responded as he did to my message I'm mad at him now.
What should I do about the guy, how should I approach him as he seems very aggressive? I already apologized to the girl but I'm extremely disappointed by the guy for all the reasons above. We will obviously end up in parties together and even if I don't want to excuse him, I don't want to create more useless drama for my friends, I really need some advice on how I should behave in order no to make my friends uncomfortable.
I'm still young and social is clearly not my thing... I don't really have anybody I can ask about this. I would be interested in getting advice from peoples more sociable, mature than me. I'am very open to criticism, I'am the one at fault there is no doubt it, my goal here is to get advice on how i should handle the situation, i want to avoid the guy having troubles with my friends and i want him to know i'am mad but can't figure out how to bring the conversation on the table.