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This has been bothering me for some time now.

My Dad has multimorbidity, i.e. numerous health issues that can be treated by being a self-advocate, and not giving up (it's easy to feel discouraged with lot of pain from illness, medication side-effects, etc).

66% of Americans over 60 and 25% of Americans over 80 have multimorbidity. As you notice, the numbers shrink as age increases because people with multimorbidity are lucky to see their 80th birthday.

We both visit the same Family doctor who is rather concerned that I don't have a life outside of working and taking care of my Dad.

While being a caregiver is draining, I know if the shoe were on the other foot, my Dad would do the same for me, even though I am over 18 years.

I am also trying to get strength from such a horrible situation. For instance, more time away from people (other than my Dad), means I can sneak time to learn new languages, for instance.

When I am being reminded of what I am not having, it is rather discouraging.

How to politely tell the Family doctor that I am content to take care of my Dad, and I trust in God's timing. Who knows, maybe God wants some people to have friends, social life, marriage, children, while he wants other people to live solo!

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  • Hello Janvi! I have some questions for you: You say the doctor mentioned that he's worried about you, did you already try and explain your point of view to him? How did you do that? What was the doctor's reaction to that explanation? Does your dad know about the doctor's worries? I get the impression you're taking care of your dad voluntarily, but do you know your dad's views on this issue, would your dad be open to any outside help?
    – Tinkeringbell ♦
    Jul 15 '18 at 17:40
  • So far, I didn't try to explain point of view to her. Once when I was outside she asked if I am being paid to take medical notes for my Dad. I simply replied, "He's my Dad". Dr also told me and my Dad I should accompany her to vacation next month (jokingly). Dad feels terrible that I am "stuck" taking care of him. I mean really really terrible. My Dad would be open to outside help if we can afford it.
    – Marium
    Jul 15 '18 at 17:58
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Firstly, you must be confident in the knowledge that you are accomplishing the highest spiritual act by devoting your time to the well being of your father. There is nothing wrong with this and everything right with it.

Also you are getting solace from doing this, and using the time to learn new languages. This is another benefit.

Ask your doctor to make sure that you both are taking the best course of action to reverse the condition. This may be through diet, giving up harmful foods or drinks, exercise etc. Then you will be taking positive action to lessen your time in care. This is where your doctor can really help. And by explaining that you will be showing that you wish to free more of your time. So by involving and challenging your doctor you will be taking action instead of being criticised for your loving actions.

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  • That is an excellent point. I'll let Doctor know how I am trying to get strength from this situation. Lot of times I feel I am doing good by helping my Dad. It is only when I face especially tough bumps I get discouraged (this is human nature). Always have to find ways to keep afloat, like a cheerio on milk.
    – Marium
    Jul 16 '18 at 16:55
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Concerning medical issues (both mental and physical), I would stand on your doctor's side. If he feels prompted to bring the subject up (has it happened on multiple occasions too?), then I would at least suspect that the situation may not be as healthy long term for you as you think. But there are objective ways of checking your mental health - by seeing a counselor or a therapist - and reporting the results back to your family doctor. If no underlying issue is found, then your doctor can be somewhat assured that you are taking good care of yourself. If there are some problems found - you know what you need to work on.

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  • Well, I have started to feel like I am slipping downwards, hence in the past week or so I am forcing myself to wear make-up and brighter color clothes for office. Somehow it makes me smile more. Will convey this to Doctor (unless there are no need for words to convey what I am projecting)
    – Marium
    Jul 16 '18 at 16:54

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