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We're from Poland. I invited my colleague to my house with a proposition of drinking beer, which I had brought from abroad. At first, he said he is interested but a couple of days later, he proposed to change the place and let the meeting be at his house instead.

Is that rude? I felt that I should refuse this change.

I feel comfortable going to his house for beers, but in this particular situation, I thought he might be kind of lazy to accept my invitation and visit me. We weren't talking about driving back home. He asked politely and said that his flatmates are out of the home.

  • Hi jaros, just a heads-up in case you ever notice this question being on-hold and are wondering why: Since your question was asked, the scope on IPS has become a lot stricter. We now have decided questions asking whether or not something is rude, inappropriate or offensive (and the other way round too) are too opinion based for this stack, because this highly depends on the person you're dealing with instead of your own interpersonal skills. See also our help center. – Tinkeringbell Nov 15 '18 at 19:33
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I wouldn't see it as him being rude if this is the first time he's changed the plans, he might just have different comforts at his place and might be taking the opportunity of having his flatmates away for you both to have a better time or he might just not like being away from home when he's drinking, there could be several reasons (I won't delve too deep into them here, you'd have to find out that for yourself). I'm not sure how much distance there is between your two's houses, but if it was me I would still try and get him to come over to your place.

I'd normally entice my friends with the comforts I have at home such as a games console, or that I have a projector so we can watch films/play games on a big screen. But in this case it's imported beer and good company (?), so you could say something along the lines of:

I've got the beer, you've got the company. Let's make a night of it.

It's a two-way street really, you're providing the luxury of free imported beers and you both have the pleasure of spending some time together outside the work setting. If he persists on trying to get the evening over to his place, just politely decline.

If you want there to be potential for a next time, you could say:

That's a shame because I was hoping we'd be able to relax, have some beers and you'd finally get to see my place. Maybe next time, though.

This way he'll get the hint that you want to be the host and provide the entertainment, but you're also doing it in a way that doesn't burn any bridges by encouraging there be a next time, if and when he decides he wants to come over to yours.

or if you feel he isn't making enough effort in the here and now and someone else is worth the imported beers, you could just say:

I'm sorry but I was hoping we'd be able to relax, have some beers and you'd finally get to see my place.

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I can't comment on Polish culture so I'll defer to the experts on that area. Personally, as a person experienced with German and US culture, I don't see an issue with it.

So, to answer your question: how do you feel about this? Do you think it's rude? The fact that you ask the question makes me think you don't find it rude but are unsure. To me, the important thing is to see someone you want to see and the location is unimportant. Enjoy having a beer together, enjoy each other's company, and have fun. If you invite them over a couple times and they always say "let's meet at my place", then I'd explore further why they don't want to come over. Keep in mind that the reason might be somewhat embarrassing to one of you, though. (ie they don't drive much, they have restricted driving rights, your place smells funny...)

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