This might be a very basic thing for many but love is definitely not my strong subject at all!

There is a girl I like very much, long story short, we started to text each other around 3 - 4 times a day including weekends (since 3 weeks), we already went for a coffee once and it was a great time, I am enjoying it quite a lot to be honest, I like to talk to her (she has been very enthusiast as well which made me even happier) but, two days ago I started noticing she is taking longer to answer and we now only text each other once or twice a day. Since I am inexperienced when it comes to ladies I started to wonder,

How can I find out if my text messages are appreciated?
I fear that if I simply ask why she is taking so long to respond it might come across as accusatory or even demanding. I don't want to accuse or even demand!

I have no experience on this kind of things so I wanted to inform myself and that is why I am kindly asking for advise, thanks a lot in advance, any light on the matter would be enormously welcomed!

As an extra detail, I am Mexican and she is German so I am aware of cultural differences.
My inquiry will take place over text messages.

Thanks a lot!

  • @JCO9 your latest edit was in the right direction. I edited a little further - if you disagree with my edit or if this isn't what you wanted to ask, please feel free to roll it back to your version.
    – kscherrer
    Jul 17, 2018 at 14:04

3 Answers 3


The only person who knows for sure is her. Just ask!

Generally, as long as she is reciprocating and you are not the only one always texting first, its OK. But, you should really just ask her. What´s wrong with a simple: Hey - we text a lot. I kind of enjoy this, but please tell me if it´s too much, OK? or I´ve been noticing you toned down the texting lately? Are you getting tired of it? Do this in a personal conversation, like every serious topic - texting is only for chit-chat as you can´t adjust tone or read emotions through text!

Being open and talking about issues to find some common ground is the key to any successful relationship! (That´s at least to my own experience)

  • 1
    While this is true.. I think he expected more guidance than what this can offer. (And I'd be delighted to read it too as well.)
    – Rainb
    Jul 17, 2018 at 13:11
  • @Rainb: Thanks for your comment! I´d be happy to elaborate! What guidance are you missing?
    – user6109
    Jul 17, 2018 at 13:13
  • like, when is it okay, then, what are the signs that it is okay, when it is not okay, what are the possible signs it is not okay, and why it is so. Maybe an example or two, Something like that.
    – Rainb
    Jul 17, 2018 at 13:16
  • Maybe shed some light on possible reasons why she might be taking longer to answer and if it is a good or a bad sign etc. I know that this comes down to pure speculation Jul 17, 2018 at 13:16
  • 1
    @Rainb: That´s the whole point: It´s okay if she says it´s okay. It´s too much if she says slow down a little! Stop guessing, start talking to each other! (I certainly won´t guess from here, with someone I don´t know)
    – user6109
    Jul 17, 2018 at 13:20

As someone who's also an eager texter, especially with a new romantic interest, I agree it feels disheartening when someone's replies start to dwindle. Clearly you care about her enough to want to continue to grow a relationship, but she may be feeling a few emotions:

  • She's feeling suffocated: most people, especially if busy with school/work, don't appreciate their phones going off all the time. This may cause her to subconsciously associate you with an annoying vibrate or ping.
  • She's bored with texting: texting is great for chit-chat, but if done too frequently can feel monotonous after a while, especially if you've been texting her for a few weeks now.

While it's tempting to want to ask her why this is the case, it helps to remember that putting her on the spot with such a question can even decrease the likelihood you'll receive a reply.

Having been in this situation before, my advice is to take a couple days off from initiating the conversation. Then, ask her out again, maybe to dinner or a movie. This will show that you not only value her time enough not to constantly text her, but also that you care about her to allocate time and effort for her.

Granted, this still won't guarantee a reply from her, but at least you're showing patience towards her and allowing her to answer you on her own time.

Side note: I come from both Mexican and German heritage


I find if you can take a lighthearted or joking tone for questions you think may be touching on sensitive matters that can really make it a lot easier to ask. For example

hey so what's going, been busy or something? Seems like you're not as chatty lately

In this way you're not accusing them of anything or giving the impression that its bothering you, you're just stating an observation. Phrasing this way gives them an easy excuse if they aren't willing to go into details and makes it a low risk way of asking.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.