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Context

I have a platonic crush on a person I first met through a group interview for voluntary work at an organisation. In the interview, I found out their name and after knowing a little more about them through their answers to the panel's questions, I found them a very interesting character and developed a platonic crush on them. However, I did not have time approach them after the interview due to some administrative work I had to do while they could leave the interview venue.

It has been a little over 3 months now since the interview and both of us are accepted to do volunteer work at the organisation (I know about this as I have seen them in volunteer bonding day which happened 2 months ago, but they were always in a different group as me and circumstances didn't really allow me to interact with them).

Situation

I found their Instagram account just with a brief search of their name about a few days after the interview, but I did not request to follow them or direct message them to introduce myself, mainly because I felt like I would be labelled in their mind as a stalker and also directly telling them I had a platonic crush on them would be too awkward without a face-to-face interaction.

How do I approach them (be it physically or online) and convey to them that they are my platonic crush and whether we can get to know each other better?


Side notes

  • I have no clue if they remember me from the interview.
  • We volunteer at the organisation once a week, and there is just a slim chance that I am able to spot them at the volunteering venue (the venue is rather huge and crowded).
  • My only way of interaction with them outside of the volunteering venue is through their Instagram account.
  • The use of the singular 'they' in this question suggests that gender does not play a part in any possible interactions I may have with them.
  • A platonic crush is a desire to get to know the other party more and want a close relationship with them, but without a romantic or sexual attraction towards them. Basically something like a "good-friend crush".
  • 3
    Platonic crush, meaning you want to make friends? – user12404 Jul 18 '18 at 4:17
  • @William as stated in the last point in the "side notes" section, yes. – enlighten_me Jul 18 '18 at 4:18
  • I´d still think gender would play a part in making appropriate advances - at least in my mid-europe-culture. For example if I (male) asked a girl out for a drink after work she´d 99% assume a date. If I´d ask another male out, he´d 99% not assume romantic interest. @BFG95´s answer also shows this, as he has taken the save route in involving other people to make clear it´s casual. Are you sure you won´t get better answers if we have the whole picture? – user6109 Jul 19 '18 at 12:57
  • @Daniel absolutely. circumstances at the volunteer venue has it such that whether they are a guy or a girl, it doesnt make a difference in interactions. – enlighten_me Jul 19 '18 at 14:08
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If the last time you saw this person was two months ago, be prepared for the scenario that this person may not remember you. The online approach may also appear out-of-the-blue to them, so outreach on Instagram may come across as "stalker" behavior (which you're well aware of). I would wait until you see them in person, as "jumping the gun" may tarnish the friendship before it happens.

Regarding establishing a close friendship with them: Treat them like you would any other person you want to befriend

Invite them to hangout with you and your friend group in social situations that don't imply romance (i.e. casual lunch, social gatherings with groups, etc.). Also you can drop hints to them about said platonic crush such as:

  • "I love making new friends!"
  • "Hey everyone, this is my new friend _____ !"

Very few people are immediately best friends with those they just met, so allow space for the platonic relationship to grow between you two.

If all else fails, and you feel the point isn't getting made that you want to remain platonic, you can be straight forward with this person and tell them how you feel (e.g. "Hey I wasn't sure if I made this clear but I intend this friendship to be only platonic"). Granted, this may feel confrontational/presumptuous, but at least you are being explicit.

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