I happened to engage in a discussion with my partner about a topic that we both think we know about. In this discussion she initially made statements that were not my opinion, and that I at that point believed to be wrong. The problem there was that the discussion was about a music genre, which is something that is more difficult to argue about than laws of nature, for example. Of couse there is less of a right or wrong on certain statements, but I wouldn't go as far and say that there is no right or wrong there.
The discussion continued and we both explained our opinion on the subject. I was carefull to tell her what parts of her explanations I did find convincing, but also, afterwards, what parts where still needed for me to approve her opinion. I was not convinced, and I said so. Eventually, the discussion became more heated, and then she made a statement that to my eyes at that point was 1. Completely wrong and formally disprovable by simple facts (that we both knew), 2. To my eyes diminishing the music of a Music-Group I really like.
I quickly looked up the facts to be sure, and stated them, as I thought that those would prove me right. She then became angry, and accused me to never be moving in an argument, and be pushing her, and be trying to "win against her" everytime we have a discussion. Of course the situation made me angry, and after a while kind of helpless, because I realize I can't know I'm right. I'm kind of caught in my own (possibly wrong-thinking) mind, and as mutch as I'd like to know I'm right, I can't. So how do I cope with this situation? In the process of thinking about this happenings, serveral questions arrose to me that I'd like to post here: As they are all related to this happening, I want to state them all, so it is clear what I'm thinking about:
Question 1: How can I accept that my Partner has a different Opinion? Especially when she bases her opinion on seemingly unlogical reasoning, that I not only do not understand, but furthermore feel to be "wrong" in a formally logical sense What seems to be so easy with stranger people on the street becomes a big problem with people who I'm closer with. I'd like to respect her opinions, and not be bothered, if she displays reasoning that has some mistakes, but I am bothered, and here is why: I feel that in those situations, my partner is being an irrational person, that I feel can't understand my way of thinking about things. I'd like to rely on her, and to have faith in her being able to understand me in situations where I need her to understand me, or in situations that we both have to decide something together. This faith is broken in situations where I feel she isn't thinking in the same rational way I do think.
I'd like to have answers to the question taking into the account the assumption that I AM formally right, and my partner is not. I am well aware of that it might be otherwise, but I'd like to treat the cases where I might not be right in the further questions.
Question 2: How can I express that I have an other opinion, without at the same time demanding her to give up on her own opinion Let' say I acknowledge she has an other opinion on the subject, for example because I'm not sure that I in fact am right. As I am not yet convinced by her position, I'd like to let her know what arguments are still there, that speak against her position. I want state to her the obstacles, that are still in my way to actually tell her she's right. Furthermore it would feel like lying to just give in and tell her she's right, when in fact I still have my own opinion on the topic. It's kind of a status update "where we are", to tell her by what points I'm not yet convinced. She perceives this constant feedbacks as an attempt I make to disprove her opinion, and I'd like to know what I can do so she stops thinking that.
The last Question adresses my general insecurity on being right: My Partner accuses me of being stubborn, hard to convince, and just wanting to "win" the discussion. Of course my impression was that she did exactly the same things I did. While I'd really like to just think "I'm right, she'll have to learn it", I can't think t hat. Because I can never know if I in fact am right, as well as I can't know I actually am "just wanting to win the discussion". I can't think of an objectiv argument that would prove to to me (and, more important, to her!) that I'm right. Her head inside probably looks similar to mine. She's probably thinking "I'm right, why doesn't he see this", as well, and I can't never know who actually is right or wrong.
To cope with that, I try to stick to very formal logic, and communicate every little step of thought, in order for her to spot eventuall logical mistakes that I've made. I as well try to always state the initial assumptions that my arguments are based on, to see if we don't agree at those, for example. But besides that, Question 3: How can I find out in the "best way" wether I'm actually trying to contribute to a thoughtful debate, or wether I just want to "win the discussion". If I come to a conclusion, how can I show her who of us is trying to win over whooom?
Edit: Since I can only ask one question at a time, I'd like to know ask question 2 here: Question 2: How can I express that I have an other opinion, without at the same time demanding her to give up on her own opinion
Edit: Her statement was along the lines of "The music of a band is based on a machine machine that they built, and produced by this said machine". Which is not true since the first (and only album up until now) was produced in 2013, while the machine they became famous with was finished and showed to the world in 2016. Of course I had a contradictory opinion.
The general discussion was about wether the said band belonged to a certain musical genre. Her opinion was that the band belongs to a musical genre, because they have serveral machines on stage that produce part of the music. I think that the band doesn't belong to the musical genre, because employing machines is just kind of a weak indicitor for the musical genre. Furthermore, the overall sound of the band differs so mutch from other bands from that musical genre, and she is the only person I have ever heard to connect the band to this musical genre.
Further Clarification: If I talk about different opinions here, I mean opinions and statements that can't coexist because they proof each other wrong. I'm aware that there are many cases, where in the end "both people are right, in their respective view of the things". I'm explicitly not talking about this occasions here, but instead about 2 opinions, of which at MAX 1 is the right one.