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I am mexican working in Germany (31), I got to know an amazing german lady 3 months ago (26), we started texting eachother since, it is awesome, we always have something to talk about and we both love joking around.

We have had 4 dates already, always a great time, she always wrote me afterwards something like "today's evening was awesome I enjoyed a lot thanks".

I have to say, I really like her so at the end of our last date I told her so, of course I added some "spice" first and then I told her loud and clear "I like you".

Her answer made me come to you for some counseling and suggestions, I am quite confused; here her words "I am pleased that you tell me that, it makes me happy, I enjoy a lot texting with you, every time I see I have a message from you I get excited and when we go out I have a great time, thank you for telling me this".

I was expecting maybe "I like you too" at the end or something and I didn't ask her "do you like me?" or "how do you see me?" maybe I should have done it but I though "I should never put a lady under pressure, if she feels it too, she will tell me without me asking, if I ask I could put her on the spot" so I didn't ask.

After that we kept texting eachother normally, there was no change on her side, always smiley and energic writing me about her day, which made me happy but on the other hand... I find myself like "floating on the space" if you know what I mean, with thousand things on my head, I just really want to know, what does her response is supposed to mean? Do I like her or not?

I really want to know if she likes me but I am not sure how to ask without putting pressure on her or making her feel "under attack" so I kindly ask for some advise from you:

How can I ask her if she likes me?

Thanks a lot in advance, cheers.

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I know your question is "How can I ask her if she likes me?" but I would really like to advise you not to do it:

Do not ask her anything like that.

Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn't but putting her in a corner will only break the "magic", if there's any. I believe you're afraid of being "friendzoned" (i.e. seen only as a male friend to her).

Maybe she likes you but she's:

  • shy
  • playfully teasing you
  • in the social environment that doesn't allow her to explicitly express her feelings towards you
  • 1000 other reasons

So, don't be in a hurry, give her time to figure out does she likes you or not. Just try to see if the things are moving forward: is she more comfortable when you're together (i.e. less nervous compared to the first date, if she seeks for physical contact like holding hands, hugs etc.)?

Anyway, keep in mind that at your (I could say our) age both male and female tend to know what they want and how to get it, so I wouldn't spend months trying to figure out if she likes you.

  • 2
    Hello @ThinkTank, I followed your suggestion of not asking and just focusing on her as well as other useful suggestions from the other answers, just want to say it worked! This lady is now my girlfriend, many thanks and cheers! – JCO9 Aug 13 '18 at 9:08
  • Thank you for the update, I'm happy everything worked out well! Congrats! – ThinkTank Aug 14 '18 at 12:00
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From the sounds of it, she does like you.

Her behavior and the text you got back from her would lead me to believe that, she says it makes her happy to know that you like her and she gets excited when she sees she has a message from you, all of which point to the fact she really enjoys your company and quite probably likes you too. Unfortunately though, the only way you'll know for sure is if you ask her.

I can understand you not wanting to do ask her outright, it could come across the wrong way if you just out of nowhere ask the question and it could be very off-putting for her. I do think there is a way for you to go about asking and not throw her off or catch her off guard too much, you just need to pick the right time and not be overpowering in the way that you ask her.

I think a good time to ask her would be during one of your next few dates. You don't have to do anything extravagant to ask her if she does like you, just be the you she knows and casually bring it up, it could be something along the lines of:

You: Hey, remember a while ago I told you that I like you?

Her: Yes, I remember you telling me, it made me happy!

You: I'm glad it did! I really enjoy spending time with you, it makes me very happy, but I was just wondering, do you like me too?

Your conversation could go a million different ways, but literally anything along the lines of this wouldn't be pushy or put her on the spot too much. I don't think there's a way to not put her at least slightly on the spot, but that's not necessarily a bad thing as long as you do it right and aren't pushy or in her face about it. You could also add that she doesn't have to answer immediately and can take some time to think about it if she wants to, you can add that based on her reaction to you asking (like if she were to act overly surprised, shocked etc.)

I hope this helps a bit and apologies if I glazed over anything, just let me know in the comments and I'll edit accordingly - good luck!!

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From what you write it seems to me quite clear that she does like you. You make no mention to confirm she is single but I assume that she must be so after four dates she is still excited to talk and be around you that is strong evidence she likes you. It could be that she does not say as much in her response because she assumes it is obvious. There is really no way to know for sure without asking specifically though. I can understand why you may be hesitant to do so though and so you might want to ask a question that presupposes everything is going well such as:

So I've been really enjoying our time together but I wanted to know where you see this going?

Asking this way you're not showing any indication that you aren't clear where she is at the moment, you're asking about her intentions and allowing you to talk about how you hope your relationship will go.

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I don't believe you can find a proper way to straight up ask her as that would be "putting her on the spot" and some people don't react well under such pressure.

What works for me in similar situations is non verbal ques. Look at her body posture when you are together. People tend to sit a lot more openly and casually when they are with people that they like. How does she react if you touch? Does she pull her hand away or does she let it linger? Is she comfortable spending time alone with you in some relative privacy or does she insist on meeting in very public places? Non verbal communication also tends to be more genuine.

What I would do after after a couple of dates is maybe plan a short trip together. A day hike perhaps to some interesting landmark, nothing too mainstream and crowded. See if she is comfortable with that and try to make a move if the signs are good.

If you are not certain you can read the moment properly you can cause a lot of damage though. It is a thin line.

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"Do you like me?" is like asking "is there a sufficient limit on your credit card?". What do you have in mind that wants a blanket authorization? Are the things you have been doing with her not what you actually want to be doing? Is "I like you" going to stand in for a number of separate "I like to do $x with you" statements?

Or do you feel uncomfortable about asking for doing $x unless you get the authorization form signature beforehand?

Maybe she prefers to get asked even if she likes you? Or she likes to get surprised? Ask her. If she does not like getting surprised, you can just ask as things come up. And if she does like getting surprised, you have the perfect excuse for trying to feel out whether there are some definite no-no things not to try (yet?).

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