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I'm a person that prefer to solve problems rather than sharing them. Talking about "my day" or venting out about issues is, from my point of view, a waste of time which I could use by solving the problem or thinking about solution.
This unfortunately creates tension between me and my family. They would like to know what's eating at me while I think I dilute problem only with people who (I think) can help me.

This is creating new problems as people think my problem is with them.
How do I clearly and firmly state that I need some "Me" time and talking about me not sharing irritates and wears me down because it take me energy from addressing the real problem?

Edit - I would like to more clearly state that I don't like sharing and it's not the fault of others. The problems are more visible with my SO, my family get used to asking be questions that will result in answers they can help me with.

closed as unclear what you're asking by avazula, Flo, sphennings, Sip, Chilly Jul 31 '18 at 10:19

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    Can you please specify: Would you like to communicate better that you don´t like to share, or do you want to get better at sharing to make it a more pleasant/fruitful experience? – user6109 Jul 31 '18 at 8:39
  • Are the problems caused by not sharing to your SO or to other family members? – Ontamu Jul 31 '18 at 8:49
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This sounds like a classic miscommunication issue. My answer is heavily based on "Laugh your way to a better marriage" seminar by Mark Gungor. You might benefit from watching that on youtube sometime.

All comes down to: People handle stress differently and propose their preferred method of dealing with it to their partner.

Most females when they are stressed out prefer to discuss the issue with friends and family to be able to understand the issue better and find a solution.

Most males when they are stressed out prefer to not be bother by anything or anyone while so they can relax/handle the issue.

So what what happens when one loving and concerned partner sees their SO under stress?

When a woman sees her partner is stressed out she wants to help him out. She offers her best solution: talking about the issue. The man usually sees that pretty much as you describe your situation. Unnecessary, annoying and draining.

Alternatively, when a man sees his SO is stressed he offers his best solution: giving her space so she can handle whatever is bother her. That causes her to think that he doesn't care about her and her issues.

Both come from a good place but results are not what is desired.

The solution:

Take time to communicate better and understand each others needs. Maybe take time to watch the seminar together. It is actually quite entertaining.

  • I watched this some time ago. I even send my SO that part about boxes and talking about problems. She said that she prefer if I said what's on my mind rather than trying to explain myself with a youtube video. – SZCZERZO KŁY Jul 31 '18 at 9:16
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    @SZCZERZOKŁY Then why not do exactly what she asked for? You have seen the seminar and the points made in it. Take the time to explain them to her personally and not with the video. Reassure her that you understand she comes from a good place but explain it is not exactly what you need. Don't judge her for caring about you and your issues because that is perfectly fine and would be a problem if she didn't. – Ontamu Jul 31 '18 at 9:22

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