One of my close friends, who is 25, has recently broken up with his girlfriend of 10-11 months. Naturally, he has turned to me and other people close to him for help and support.
My friend is, by nature, quite needy and very inexperienced with relationships. He's taking the breakup extremely badly and his neediness has manifested itself in his communication with me and others around him.
For the past week, he's been texting me and calling me incessantly. I receive dozens of texts and calls from him throughout the day. I understand what it's like to go through a breakup and I know he needs people there to support him and help him move on. For the first few days, starting Saturday, I was very patient with him, attempting to console him and provide him with advice to help him move on from her.
My advice basically boiled down to cutting off contact with her, focusing on building himself up, and finding a hobby to help him take his mind away from the situation.
It's now Wednesday; he hasn't accepted my advice, but instead has been spiraling out of control. The incessant calls and texts did not stop between Saturday and now. Each time, I've attempted to repeat my advice to him.
However, the situation is severely testing my patience. His texts and calls are interrupting me at work, when I'm with my family, and when I'm spending time with my own girlfriend. It has been a week since the breakup, and I can't hold his hand forever. I'm getting very frustrated with him.
Recently my communication to him has been quite blunt and I feel bad. I've repeated to him dozens of times that he needs to cut off contact with her, but he's not listening to me.
Last night he turned up unannounced to her house and her workplace. Thankfully, he went back home after I called him and calmed him down. I feel like he's going to be arrested if he continues down this path. I tried to tell him this, but he refuses to listen, rather saying things like "I need to see her again, I need to be with her again".
He's also begging me to speak with her and "change her mind". Obviously, it's not my place to do this, and I barely know her (only having met her once). I told him this, but he continues to ask me.
I'm at my wits end. His actions are cutting into mine and others lives and are becoming dangerous.
How can I communicate to my friend that his actions are harmful and that he needs to pull himself together?
- I'm seeing him in person on Sunday. Unfortunately, I'm unable to meet with him any earlier as I'm very busy this week.
- His ex-girlfriend ended the relationship. Based on the texts from her he's shown me, I believe the relationship is beyond repair.
- His mindset about the situation is totally twisted. He truly believes she still wants him and is still in love with him and that she's confused and brainwashed by others.