I am a male 28yo, my SO is a girl 25yo. We've been together two years and a half.
We've each compenetrated the other's lives, we think similar about a lot of things and in some other things we have different postures wich makes our conversations pretty stimulating. We've also did a lot of things together through all this years that are totally remarkable and special for both of us. More than we did with previous couples, making this relationship pretty rewarding.
Last weekend suddenly she wanted to give ourselves a time, to see if she can deal with being alone. The reason was that she has this thought about travelling to Germany and spend a year living alone, or doing a EVS (European Volunteering Service), not for the sake of volunteering but to be alone in another country, I think it this way because she doesn't do any volunteering here to help poors or animal rights associations or even some volunteering in events teaching kids.
My point of view is that if she want to go live abroad we as a couple can manage to do it, she is going star a PhD program this september, and we don't have to be in the country. But she doesn't care, her point is that she want to be alone abroad.
I think it's kind of unfair because if you are with somebody you want to be with that person, even though you need your loneliness moments, which I need too. So this means that we can move abroad an she will have freedom to meet people and to do what she wants, and share that experience like every couple living together. However I love her, and I don't want her to be forced to abandon her dreams for me. So I told her her do what he wanted with our relationship.
Two hours after we both went home and me saying that she has to do what she feels she has to do, regarding leaving me or stay appart a time until she decides to leaving me, aka "giving us a time". After that decission, she called me and said she wanted to be with me and see me at that moment, that she loves me. We met, everything went great. We met two more days and it went ok but something was blocking her, therefore blocking us. So I asked her "you love me?" She answered "Yes", "Do you want to be with me?" she answered "Yes", "Are you allright with your decission?" then she answered "Ummmm.... well yes". This doubt is what is making me afraid.
I feel like she really loves me and thinks only great things about this relationship, but right now she is with me trying to reevaluate the relationship, maybe searching for things that can justify breaking up, while, conciously or not, taking decissions that she knows won't allow us to have much time to see us. It's just speculation, as it can be that she only feels bad for all of this and is still stressed about the situation, or worse, that she doesn't want to lose the money we spend on buying a trip to Sicily for this september. Where she confessed she wanted to give me a proposal ring, wich curiously was what I wanted to do too, I've already preordered it.
So my question is. What is the best course of action, to communicate her that she has to fully commit to my decission, whatever decission it is, but without stressing her out or forcing to decide out of pressure.
What I thought was not going out together this week and saying clearly that if she is going to go out with me and will be constantly reevaluating the relationship searching for a reason to break, I preffer to wait until she is totally decided. Doing this will probably stress her a lot more, and can be a reason to break since I can seem a bit unreasonable, and also we won't be doing anything about the trip probably losing all that money. The other thing is to keep meeting with her and being good and happy, the same guy as if nothing had happened. This brings me some issues, because in my last relationship my ex broke with me, then we continued being together and I chose this option, being the good boy as if nothing happened, and then she broke up with me just before going on a Erasmus. So this will mentally be hard for me, but maybe it's the best option.
Things to take into account:
We both like to travel, we even opened a travel blog.
Right now officially she decided to be with me, just after two hours of saying me that she wanted a break.
-The reasons that lead me to think about her reevaluating the relationship are a few comments that came out of nowhere in conversation. Like "You are really beautiful", "You are very good to me", "You always take me to gorgeours places".
Since we met we traveled (counting only 3 or more days stays) to two cities in the region, to one city in another region, to a camping in some coastal area, to London, and Milano. This year we wanted to go Sicily as I said before and maybe Scotland or Belgium.
She also traveled alone or with other people, to Liverpool where two sisters of her live, to South Spain since she did there a Masters degree (we are from the north of Spain, and Germany that was a present of her sisters for Christmas.
I work full time with lunch break, wich means working from 8:30 to 18:30, which means that most of the year except summer we mostly hang out together in weekends. Due to responsibilities it's hard to meet in the week regularly.
Since this year she works when they call her in a farm where schools organize excursions to learn about farm work. In may and june she works most of times five days a week 8 hours per day, plus 2 hours of commuting. Most of the year maybe it's one or two days of work by month in average, not pretty well paid, but she goes, because that way she is occupied and can earn some money for the weekends.
We were planning to go together abroad on a work grant next year.
She doesn't want to go living UK to search some better job and be near her sisters, because her mother will be alone in her house, and also has some debts to pay and a restaurant that isn't going too well.
She admitted that she loves me. That she thinks I'm beautiful and all of that. I believe her, since she repeated and showed affection in concordance. Even now she says that she loves me and that I'm the best person in her life. That she feels bad for putting me in this situation. Also recognized that she has too much pride against me for being a man and that he isn't too constant with what she starts.