I was considering to join a colocation I found on the internet with an advertisement.

For practical reasons (waiting for the rental agreement) the possible roommate proposed me to move in as a guest temporarly.

But it's been two weeks and I discovered that the flat is very dirty and poorly kept.

At first he told me that the previous roommate was neglecting, but now I have big doubts about his previous roommate's responsibility, and serious worries about his lifestyle that I'd have to share.

He told me that he got personnal problems that made it complicated and stated that he was near a mental breakdown, and that he also needed a roommate for financial reasons.

But I have my own problems too and I don't want to sacrifice my health to support him.

Yet, I don't want to hurt him and make it worse for him by telling what I think.

How could I express my worries about all these points without being perceived as denigrating and without hurting his feelings? Is it even possible?

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    What is your desired end goal? Do you want to fix the problems so you can move in? Do you not want to move in, and don't want to lie about why? Aug 6 '18 at 15:55
  • Hi @vmonteco! Your question has interesting elements but, as is, it's unclear what you're trying to achieve and is likely to get closed. Could you please edit your question to narrow down to one issue? If I got your right, one possible question could be "how to tell my roommate I won't stay if they don't get involved in household?". You might want to define a clear question and add some details so that we can help you the best we can.
    – avazula
    Aug 7 '18 at 7:17

It sounds like you have already had some conversations about the state of the dwelling, wherein he explained that the previous roommate was irresponsible and that he was suffering from mental health issues.

I would continue the conversation like this: "Bob, can we continue the discussion about the cleanliness of the apartment? I understand that things have been difficult for you both personally and with the previous roommate's reticence to clean. I want to talk about plans going forward - I plan to contribute to the housework, but I don't want to move in if you don't have the energy to do the same. Do you foresee yourself being motivated to clean more in the near future, or should I find something else? If our lifestyles aren't going to mesh, I'd rather we quit while we're ahead."

If he assures you in a way you find satisfactory that having someone else pitch in is all the motivation he'll need to clean his share, I'd suggest broaching the topics of designating chores & general expectations: things like 'wash your dishes within 24 hours', 'your room can be a mess but the living room should stay tidy', 'I'll do _____ if you do ____'.

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