My girlfriend has a tendency of getting fixated on things she thinks true, when she won't listen to any reasoning and starts arguing with me. We are in our late twenties and we have been together for 8 months. She is a foreign student in my Central European country, we both work as interns. Neither mine nor her first language is English, but it's the only common language we share. I'd say our language skills are nothing near excellent, but better than average in our countries, e.g. we rarely have to pause in live speech to find the appropriate expression.
We planned going on a short holiday. A few days after reserving a room online I found out we have to pay for the accomodation in Euro, instead of *local currency*. As she has a Euro bank account, I asked her if we could pay from that. I never indicated I want her to pay for our stay without compensating her in *local currency* or by paying for dinner, etc. We always share payments, except for transportation. I never asked her to pay for the fuel when I drive her somewhere. However I'm fine with that, since my pay is better than hers. The recent online conversation leading to the conflict went as the following:
Me: Hey babe, I guess we have to pay for our room in Euro. Can we use your account for that?
Her: I wanna use that money when I travel around Europe with my family. Can't we pay in *local currency*? Let me check this out.
Me: I don't know, I'll have to ask them.
Her: Why did you choose such a place to stay? Cancel it!
Me: I did choose it because this was the only one which was rated like above 6/10 and still not a hotel room for 500 Euro/night in *local currency*.1
Her: What? It's so expensive! I could buy many things for that! Just forget about it, and cancel the reservation.
Me: Please stop saying this, our room costs 60 Euro/night.
Her: I can't pay 500 Euro for one night. I won't go there, it's so expensive. Cancel it.
Me: What are you talking about?
Her: Do you wanna piss me off? What if they charge me more?2
Me: Why would they do that? Read again, it costs 60 Euros.
Note #1: Her sudden turn to accusing me in her second answer isn't exaggeration, it literally happened like this.
Note #2: The exact wording of the conversation couldn't be understood as "our room costs 500 Euros" at all, reading it back, it's still clear I was referring to other possible choices. I repeated the fact multiple times (even when she was attacking me), after the quoted part from our chat.
It went on for a while, she gave me more and more aggressive responses. I asked her if she drank something, since she has a history with alcohol, and this made her go wild. She deliberately misinterpreted my choice of words "free room" as if I meant free of charge, not vacant or available. She insulted me for being stupid, crazy, said I just wanted to argue with her, told me I constantly accuse her of doing something wrong.3 I asked her to read back, and copied print screens of our conversation but she refused to read them, or listen to the fact, that our room wouldn't cost 500 Euro/night.
My question is how can I de-escalate the situation if it happens again? This seems to happen quite often. Telling her the facts doesn't seem to impact her perception of the situation, like it's already fixed forever in her mind. Asking her if she is drunk is obviously not a way to do that, but I did that after some arguing, after I became angry too. Thought about simply not responding to her for an hour or so, but I just can't let it go when someone doesn't understand my explanation or disregards my reasoning.
IIRC this thing happened like 4 times in our relationship. Considering myself quite rational it affects me badly. After the initial refusal, I admit if I made a mistake and apologize. She has a different personality, she'd rather try to explain and defend her position, but then laugh at herself realizing her argument is incredible, this happened multiple times. I wouldn't mind her not saying, only realizing she was wrong, as long as she doesn't cling to false statements so strong. We have been together for 8 months. I don't feel this thing happens like each day, but every 2 months seems a bit too often.
Typically after such fights we don't speak for some short time, it seems like time solves the problems... I usually try to talk about the fight, but occasionally she shuts it down with a "you just look for arguments" sentence. Sometimes she knows she was wrong, sometimes she doesn't. If she doesn't, she can't take any criticism at all. Other than this thing I like her and our relationship.
I don't remember having any conflict right before this argument.
1 We decided on going on this trip lately, so there weren't lots of free places to choose from.
2 500 Euro/night
3 The thing I "accused" her during this argument is misunderstanding my messages and the cost of the accomodation. I'm under the impression she isn't aware of the real meaning of accustaion. E.g. asking her if she has charged her phone before going out is "accusing". I guess she is thinking I'm ready to blame her if she hadn't. I've tried talking to her about this issue before, but she didn't seem to get my point.