Ive been getting very upset over this - not sure if i should be or if im just over sensitive.

Basically my friend from france has just moved to the london (where i live) and doesn't seem so enthusiastic to meet. To offer some background, we've been very close for 4 years and actually used to go out but then remained friends, messaging every other day since etc. Since I've been getting the impression that I'm not so high on his priority list since his move, i've ceased to send initial messages to him, yet he still frequently messages me. The constant communication contrasted with his disinterest to meet is hurting me pretty bad and im not so sure what i should do. Advice anyone? Thanks

  • 1
    Hello, welcome to IPS! "What should I do?" questions are off topic here. Can you narrow down your question to an interpersonal goal, like "How do I tell my friend I want to meet without sounding overbearing/annoying?" Then explain your situation. Your question title is also vague and somewhat "rant-like" which isn't on topic either. – ElizB Aug 21 '18 at 2:20
  • Hi,im new and it's not my intention to break the rules or go on a 'rant'. Just keen for some thoughts. Im not trying to ask how to spend time with him.. – Nicky 20 Aug 21 '18 at 2:35
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    Okay, I understand you want thoughts on the situation but the way the site is made is not for your question. This is a question-answer site, where each question has an answer, and in your situation (while very valid) it might not have a good answer, it's primarily opinion-based in my opinion. There are many reasons why your friend is behaving this way. Our goal at IPS is to help answer interpersonal questions, like communicating to or approaching people about different topics. You might find what you're looking for in a more flexible website like Reddit or others. – ElizB Aug 21 '18 at 2:39
  • Hi Nicky, I've closed your question as "too broad" for now as we're not a general advice site. Our format is designed for focused Q&A, you can read more about it at tour and How to Ask. If you'd like help generating a good question, you could try posting in our Sandbox for more feedback as well. – Em C Aug 21 '18 at 2:48

Assorted thoughts:

  • The friend just moved. He/she may just be really busy.
  • If every invitation has been for a similar activity, you might want to suggest a different activity. You've been suggesting dinner? Suggest coffee. Suggesting a weeknight? Try a weekend afternoon. Suggesting your house? Suggest going out.
  • If that doesn't work, it might be time to politely and cheerfully signal that the ball is in their court. "Hey, I can tell that you're really busy settling in. I'm going to stop pestering you with invitations and just let you know that I am totally still interested in getting together, whenever things get a little calmer for you."
  • If you used to date, is it possible that they both (1) are dating someone else and (2) are afraid you'll be offended by that fact? The ball-in-their-court strategy might help with that too--it might make it clear that you're not too intense about this. (Even if you are.)
  • I think the third suggestion sounds a bit passive-aggressive. I would definietly cut out the part about pestering... – Nat Aug 22 '18 at 11:58

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