So I've tried a bunch of things to get an answer to this question, none of which have worked, so I figured why not try Stack Exchange, maybe you guys can help me :)
Anyway, here's the background: I'm a guy, in my early 30s. I'm a bit of a dork, my main hobby is gaming (all gaming, literally anything you can consider a "game" is something I will at least try once, although I don't like all of it; in particular the in-vogue high-graphics low-gameplay FPS genre is something I treat with utter disgust) and I'm a software engineer by profession, which means that I have enough money, but also means that I don't have a lot of opportunity to either be around the opposite sex or to exercise, so I'm slightly overweight (although trying to lose weight by dieting and have had mixed results). As far as I'm aware I have good hygiene (I shower every day etc, and nobody has ever mentioned to me that I have BO except immediately after I've done some activity which has exerted me to the point of sweating, which is understandable).
Now, the problem is, I'm having trouble getting girls (women, if you prefer; I prefer the vernacular "guys/girls" over "men/women") to go on dates with me. In general, the way it seems to go is I'll meet a girl, we'll chat about whatever, she'll sometimes mention that I'm a nice guy and whatever, and then abruptly she will stop talking to me, not respond to my IMs, tests, etc, for seemingly no reason that I can think of.
Now the thing is, as I mentioned, I'm slightly overweight but not massively obese (for a height/weight estimate, I'm about 5'10" 180 lbs and I don't drink beer so I don't have a beer gut), I have good hygiene, most girls consider me to have a good personality (at least that is the feedback I have received); it seems I'm checking all the boxes. But I can't seem to "close the deal", as it were (that is not a crude reference to sex, I just mean that getting second dates or keeping girls interested in me is profoundly difficult).
What I would like to do is get feedback on why I'm having such difficulty. Unfortunately I don't have many friends who can give me productive feedback; obviously my friends are my friends and they like me, because they're my friends; the ones who I've asked have given me either non-productive feedback or have given me feedback which isn't practical (e.g. "you're too fat, lose weight", which I'm trying to do but one does not simply drop 50 lbs overnight (when I started dieting I was almost 210 lbs now I'm slightly over 180) or "get some new hobbies", which is good but I don't know what types of hobbies to try). What I would like to do is get feedback from the girls who have rejected me, but the problem is they don't usually just flat out reject me; usually they just stop responding to my messages, so asking them anything is difficult. I also don't want to go up to random girls, who I am interested in and who are my friends (or at least friendly with me) and ask out of the blue "why won't you date me" or whatever, cause that's weird.
What are some things I can try to do to try to get real, meaningful feedback to improve myself?