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My girlfriend is chubby. I don't mind this. I like chubby girls, I find her very attractive as she is. She wears her weight very well.

She's decided to lose weight.

How can I be supportive of her decision and her progress without making it seem that it's a determination of her attractiveness, or my opinion on her body?

I'm trying to find ways to compliment her by acknowledging the weight loss as well as just her in general. Currently, I've been very separate in these compliments (I'm trying to make sure that when I tell her how good she looks, I'm not tying it to her weight loss. I want her to stop when she feels comfortable or happy, I don't want her to think that I want her to continue for my sake, or that I'll only find her more attractive if she does).

When I tell her about her weight loss, I'm usually saying things about how her clothes look looser or how she's much lighter (she's actually getting smaller but not much lighter, so I've been working out so I can give her the illusion that she's lighter, even if the scales aren't really showing it too much. She's gaining muscle, so her mass is equaling out)

I feel that I may be overthinking this whole thing, but I'm just trying to make sure I walk this carefully.

I just want to make sure the words I give her are the best words I can. I want her to be happy about her weight loss, but not make her feel it's important for our relationship. It's for her. But I also want to make her feel sexy because of all the effort.

In what ways can I improve my approach?

marked as duplicate by Jesse, Ælis, TheRealLester, Kaspar Scherrer, avazula Sep 5 '18 at 7:38

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    I think you’re overthinking it. What’s wrong with just telling her what you’ve told us and asking her how she would like you to support her ? If you’re happy I’m happy has always worked for my husband btw;) – ColleenV Sep 4 '18 at 20:32
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    @gparyani I do, all the time. She's a seamstress and cosplayer, I'm always telling her how talented she is. That wasn't relevant to this question, though. She's also warm, smart, and funny, and I make sure she knows it. – Chris Sep 4 '18 at 20:45
  • What is her motive for losing weight? Is it for health reasons, looks, as part of a new hobby (like taking up a sport)? – user8671 Sep 5 '18 at 7:11
  • @Kozaky She used to be on ADHD medication, and when she stopped taking it, she gained over a hundred pounds. She has expressed how she 'used to be so sexy', so partly looks, but she has been to a medical professional and is on medication to lose the weight (I don't know what it is specifically). So partly looks, partly health. – Chris Sep 5 '18 at 7:58
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I'd recommend trying to find more specific compliments that don't necessarily correlate to her "attractiveness" or her weight.

When you start working out, you start becoming healthier and stronger so complimenting her on her ability to run further or faster, do more reps, etc. anything that can highlight the benefits of her exercise outside of physical weight loss. This also will help her develop a mentality that her effort isn't just to make her look better, it's to feel better (which, IMO, is a better motivator to keep up the hard work).

In terms of her physical appearance, you could mention she looks "toner". This can be a great word to describe someone who isn't necessarily losing weight (as in on the scale) but building muscle.

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    As I said in a comment above, I do compliment her on things other than her weight, our relationship isn't based solely on that. I make sure she knows I love and respect her for her personality, who she is. I tell her she's smart, warm, and funny. I always tell her how talented she is, and I support her work by buying as much material for her as she'll let me. – Chris Sep 4 '18 at 20:58
  • Thank you for your advice, I'll start mentioning the healthier aspects of her hard work – Chris Sep 4 '18 at 20:59

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