TL;DR: I drive to work at my own expense. My friend gets a free ride from me, saving her money and time. I say "don't be late" sometimes, and she freaks out.
So I live in a metropolitan area and have a vehicle. I have a friend/coworker who ditched her car when she moved here so she takes the metro by default. She has been late before but I have too, and I have a history of oversleeping as I am a heavy sleeper. Sometimes, and infrequently, I will simply say when I will plan on picking her up from the metro (as she takes a much shorter metro ride to my place to get carpool ride vs taking the metro all the way to work) so will say something like "I'm leaving at 600. Don't be late!". For whatever reason, she freaks out that I have the audacity to say "don't be late" when I have overslept before, which I said last night and overslept today. I tried to explain that I'm not being a hypocrite and only say it as a friendly reminder, as we are not infallible but she's not having it.
- I have a car, she does not
- My commute is 20-30 min in my vehicle, her commute on metro is about an hour, her commute when carpooling is about 25-35 min (short metro ride and then carpool)
- I spend a minimum of $70 in gas a month just commuting, she would spent at most $160 a month ($8 round trip per day x ~20 work days in a month) BUT she's part of a subsidy program for mass transit users which has a max allowance of $245/mo but I don't know how much she's receiving.
- She does not pay me anything, ever. I don't ask but she never offers anything more than a "thanks".
- Half the time, she doesn't even ride home with me because she decides to stay later to build credit hours at work or will make me wait for her
- I was a GS-07 and she is a GS-09 (roughly $45k/year and $55k/year respectively, but I am a 09 now and she is becoming an 11 ($55 and $65 respectively). This is only relevant because she complains about money and not being able to afford the metro (despite the subsidy).
- She also has another coworker that gives her rides (same situation but he lives close enough that he picks her up directly and she doesn't need the short metro ride over).
It's not my fault she GAVE her car to her sister back at home.
Just an example of how she acts, this one time she asked to stay 15 min later to build 15 min of credit hours, which is ridiculous if you ask me. I said I didn't want to but she insisted so I said okay and said I'll work on my project. I needed 15 min more than she did and when the first 15 min passed and she said she was done, I said I need 15 min more and she acted like that was ridiculous and she didn't want to have to wait for me, so we ended up staying 30 min past the work day.
How do I let her know that she's the one benefitting at my expense for something that is completely voluntary by myself and only serves to help her?
I refuse to stop asking her not to be late or to take back what I said before because I think I'm being perfectly reasonable. She thinks me saying that is "disrespectful and dictatorish". I'd prefer for this to not be the reason to end a friendship but I won't stand for disrespect. I don't mind this arrangement but I do mind her attitude. I think I'm only doing her a favor.
Sure I oversleep sometimes but I literally have 35+ alarms set over a 60 min period between my phone and 5 different clocks. I know, ridiculous. So it's not like I try to oversleep. I have a half-hearted apology which I could do better but the reason I don't drop the subject is because she demands respect and acts like only she's in the right (mind you I don't have to give her rides at all and they're free for her).