My friend and I have been friends for many years. We've traveled together, grown up together (since our early twenties) and her family and I are close. It's important to me to maintain this friendship - I love her, and we've been through a lot of ups and downs and supported each other through rough times and celebrated good times. She and I don't live in the same city, but we talk on phone frequently and visit/travel together at least 3 times a year.
I've noticed that lately, when we hang out, she sometimes acts unfriendly. She can be blunt to the point of hurtful with people she's close with (myself and her family). This seems to be "normal" with her family (at least, her parents have never expressed surprise or hurt when she has been what I consider "rude"), but it's not ok with me. Last year after a particularly rude comment I took some time to calm down and told her that I didn't appreciate the way she was talking to me. It was hard but we had a good conversation and she apologized.
Problem is, she can sometimes still be curt, rude, and disrespectful in her tone. It's just a general lack of softening her words... for example, she interrupts me and doesn't always consider my point of view when making decisions. It gets to the point where I feel that I am "walking on eggshells" and I'm not even sure (from her tone) if she likes me - but then I think, this is crazy - we're such good friends! Have you ever hung out with someone who is "hangry"? It's kind of like that.
She mentioned to me once that she had to practice "softening" her approach with colleagues because her manager spoke to her about her coworkers being "afraid" of her.
How do I tell her I need that softened approach, too - without putting our friendship on the line? I need her to know I value her friendship, but that her behaviour seems to indicate that she doesn't like me, or that she doesn't value my opinion. I know she can be friendly on a consistent basis - I see it when she interacts with people she's not as comfortable with!
Particularly, I am struggling to find ways to use "I" statements when what I want to say is, "You can be rude and disrespectful. I don't appreciate being interrupted. When we are traveling I need you to consider my point of view, even if it is 'less convenient' than making your own mind up". How can I say, gently, "you're not friendly with me sometimes and it hurts"?