I look ten years younger. Is it appropriate to give a younger age in online dating? [closed]

Question

People don't age at the same speed. The variance for age of (non-violent, natural) death is several decades. And you can notice this difference in the speed of aging at an earlier age, too. Some people appear ancient at sixty, others are virile and look youthful at the same age.

I'm a bit over 50 years old, and yet people who don't know my age regularly guess that I am around 40 years old. The youngest I was thought to be was "in my twenties" when I was 45 years old. I couldn't quite believe that, and after repeated displays of incredulity on my part, the other person corrected themselves to "thirty". Today, my skin is still free of wrinkles, I'm slim and physically fit, and my lifestile is that of a 25 year old.

Face to face, much younger people readily accept me as one of their peers, and young women react very open to my approach. In fact my last two relationships were with women both sixteen years younger, and all my friends are between 25 and 38.

But in online dating, where one has to specify one's age, age is the prime selector after gender. Women that are only a few years younger (and sometimes look older than I), consistently sort me out as too old. The common reply (if I get one) when I write to a fourty year old woman is: "I'm looking for a man my age."

Since I am consistently judged to be about ten years younger than I really am, is it appropriate to specify a younger age in online dating?

As I look like I'm fourty, is it okay for me to pretend to be fourty in online dating?

The purpose of this lie is to enable me to get in contact with those women that would positively react to my approach in a face to face situation, instead of the women my own age who don't regard me as their equal due to my age-inappropriate lifestyle.

The other aspect is that I will probably live longer than those people my age who look their age. My greatparents all lived to around ninety, at a time when the average age of death was seventy. My parents are ninety and of good health. They might live to be a hundred. So in a sense I am not fifty in the same way than some other fifty-year-olds. Giving my "real" age would actually be misleading, if you consider age as indicating the state of one's health and the lifespan one has left.

Answer 1

I would not recommend doing this. Women have their reasons for wanting someone in a specific age range, and every man who wants to date younger women thinks he should be the exception, so they won't be impressed when they find out you lied to get them to give you a chance.

It's understandable that you have this impulse. In online dating, people judge and exclude possible partners based on numeric values (age, height, distance) they might be willing to overlook in another context. But many women get a massive amount of attention online, and have to filter it somehow or they would be overwhelmed.

Starting a relationship with a lie will undermine your partner's trust even if she does not dump you right then. With height, you could claim you have an unusual measuring technique, but with age it's obvious you know exactly what you're doing.

I'd recommend finding women whose preferred range includes both your real age and your apparent age. If you're 1-3 years beyond the top of the range, most women won't be bothered by that either. Design your profile to emphasize your youthful looks and lifestyle. Don't lie.

Answer 2

I've never used online dating, so I'm not sure if this will work.

I assume that the website has an entry for age, and a free text field where you can write about yourself. If so, I recommend you enter "40" as your age but clearly state your true age in your description of yourself. You might also discuss why you entered "40" as your age.

The age entry of "40" will get you the views you want, but your description will remove the element of deception.