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I live in a three bedroom apartment with three of my former colleagues. Two of us have a room of their own, while I share my room with P(his initial name). P is also the most outspoken and social amongst us and we usually have a good chat now and then. But most of the time his behaviour is really annoying and intolerable. He points out to me even my smallest mistakes. Like if I forgot to keep the glass of milk in the sink he sends me a pic to remind me. Oftentimes, he suggest how I can do things better or what is the right way to do them. When I confront him that every one commits mistakes, he makes illogical arguments that he never makes mistakes.

Sometimes, he just says random things to annoy me. Like you took too much of the curry and you shouldn't have, as there won't be much left for the rest of us(when in fact I took okayish amount and he is the one who can be accused of this quite often).

I sometimes lose my cool, but it seems to make him glad. He says that he is only trying to make me a better person and such silly stuff. I also ignore some of his things which annoy me like he eats a lot of snacks and keeps them hidden, and often eats them in a different room(so that I may not get to eat some of 'his' snacks).

He also listens to music and other stuff without headphones and doesn't use them until I plead with him and tell him that it is really annoying.
The rest of the flatmates are all fine. We have good conversations often and don't bother each other with petty stuff.
How can I make the situation better so that I dont have to look for accommodation elsewhere?

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  • So by "annoying" you mean that he often mentions it if he thinks you should/should not have behaved in a certain way. You have described instances where you disagree and believe your actions are either inconsequential or valid and we can see that you ignore him in such cases. Do you ever agree with the issues P brings up about you? Can you give us an example of how you responded to an instance such as this?
    – Jesse
    Sep 19 '18 at 8:32
  • @Jesse No by annoying I mean, trying to find fault and often times there are faults and suggesting to do them differently. He also does stupid things sometimes but I never bother him. For the issues he brings up....... say for instance I now always keep the glass where it belongs. But if someday I forget(like 1 in 10 days) he treats like there has been no improvement. Also, I find it strange that when I don't pester him with minor things, why is that he keeps finding ways to find faults. I don't think he has the obligation to make me perfect with things that dont have any impact on his life.
    – peerless
    Sep 19 '18 at 8:48
  • @Jesse I have to agree with him when in some cases. I do a quick nod and make some effort of doing it the 'right way' next time.
    – peerless
    Sep 19 '18 at 8:49
  • Hello peerless. Welcome. Your question on how to make the situation better seems very broad to me. Could you add a specific interpersonal goal? What do you want to achieve?
    – Belle
    Sep 20 '18 at 8:29
  • @Belle-Sophie I just wanted to understand what is going on...and if there was anything I could do to achieve a amicable situation with P... In hindsight, It seems my description of P vilifies him without making an effort to tell his side of the story...
    – peerless
    Sep 20 '18 at 10:51
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This is a very broad question, but what I would do is sit down with him and point out specific examples in which he has been inconsiderate, and then explain how you feel. I would also let him explain his side of the story, and how he feels, and how you can come to a conclusion so that you can co-exist in the apartment. Buy a couple of beers and ask him to join you so that it doesen't feel too awkward to have that conversation. Because right now you do not feel that it is working. What you may consider annoying, such as him reminding you to put away dishes, and him "hiding" his own snacks, he may find annoying too; having to remind his roommate to do his dishes and feeling the need to keep his snacks hidden from you.

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