In 2 weeks I will have a new sister in law as my brother is getting married. I knew her before they dated and thought that she talked a lot about herself, but that otherwise was friendly and pleasant.
My mum can get exciteable and my brother was worried when the gf came around for her first dinner with us that my mum would be too intense. My mum really surprised both of us, and was very calm and relaxed (as well as friendly and engaging). Since then the gf has been at our house on numerous occasions and I can honestly say that we've been really nice to her. She's still talked about herself a lot, never asked about us or how we were, but otherwise been pleasant.
When my brother and his gf eventually talked about getting married, he began to work hard and save money. She had some money but spent it all on a huge holiday for herself. So when she came home and they actually got engaged he already had a lot of savings and she had very little. She then didn't get a job (she'd quit for the holiday), so the wedding is really being paid for by my brother and generous relatives and friends from both sides.
My parents had a wedding anniversary when my brother and the gf were almost 6 months dating. The gf did not acknowledge the anniversary by gift, text or card. My mother was hurt by this, but didn't let it show out of the home.
My parents have tried really hard to help my brother and his fiancee out. When his car broke down and he had no money (because, wedding) they gave him their car. They could only afford a cheap banger of a car for themselves, which they now drive. My mum also bought them a beautiful engagement gift with lots of personal and practical items. I gave them quite a large amount of money and a personal card. I also feel that I've always jumped to help when they've asked for it, given her lifts in my car (she doesn't drive) and otherwise made myself available. We've worked hard to make her feel welcome and introduced her to our friends as they're going to be living near us.
We were invited to the wedding 3 weeks before the wedding. In fairness, so were most of the other guests. This was the only 'job' my brother's fiancee had to do, he'd handled the rest.
We know the same amount about the wedding as the other guests do. We also haven't been invited to the bride's hen party - even though her mother is going. I understand that the bride can invite whoever she likes, but my brother invited her brother to his stag night. He also having her brother in the wedding party but she isn't having me.
I don't need to be best friends with my sister-in-law to be, but I feel that she is very uninterested in us and is making no effort. My brother has a great relationship with us and says that her mother is a nightmare, but he's worked hard to stay friendly. He also says that his wife-to-be is quite unorganised, and seems to pin most of it on that. My biggest concern is that she is really hurting my mum, who has tried to welcome her to the family.
I feel like the wedding is too soon to be starting any kind of drama, but my mum only has one son and I'd hate for her to be unhappy on his big day. There are other members from my side of the family who have been incredible to my brother and I growing up, and also were very generous with wedding gifts. They haven't been thanked yet, and I'm concerned they will not be acknowledged at the wedding either. How can I address this with my sister-in-law and/or my brother?