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Please reword if necessary

My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have romantic feelings for her. I am not asking how I should ask her (that was the previous question, thx for the answers btw, really appreciate it!).

Recently she showed me a few texts someone send her who's also interested in her, but that doesn't go both ways (lucky me). She expresses distaste and frustration about that guy and she also says to me that he is a bit of a creep.

How can I react in that situation while also avoiding an argument with her.

additional info:

We are both autistic (PDD-NOS)

We are both introverts.

We had a child-relationship in the past, wich I have talked about with her and she still holds photo's and other things (like a little box) with her.

I slept at her house a week ago, in her room but in separate beds.

P.S. Due to my autism, I'm very bad at expressing emotions and writing long pieces of my experience

closed as primarily opinion-based by Jalapeno Nachos, apaul, Ælis, Belle, JAD Sep 24 '18 at 7:16

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    Why do you think that expressing distaste for another person means that she doesn't have feelings for you? – DaveG Sep 23 '18 at 22:19
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    It just makes me think that she isn’t ready for a relationship yet, i don’t want to ruin my friendship with her. Right now she is the only real friend i have, that’s why I’m very cautious with any step i take – Termatinator Sep 23 '18 at 22:22
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    @DaveG forgot to tag you in the comment ^^ – Termatinator Sep 23 '18 at 22:30
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You really cannot interpret this action in isolation. She could be thinking:

ugh, this guy, texting me, expressing an interest in me, I don't want a relationship, so gross, it's horrible.

She could just as well be thinking:

ugh, this guy, texting me, expressing an interest in me, when he's nothing at all like dear sweet Termatinator, so gross, it's horrible.

Some people will think that she's showing you this to confirm that she's not dating anyone else, and to show you how close you are that she can share these confidences with you. Others will think she's showing you this to confirm that you and she are "just friends" and that she has a dating life which is separate from this friendship. Either or both could be right.

Especially with someone on the spectrum, trying to guess from indirect cues like this will be highly frustrating. She's not necessarily sending accurate cues (for example she may have strong feelings she isn't showing) and you're not necessarily reading the cues she sends accurately.

So, what should you do? First, you can learn from her what she (and likely many other young women) consider creepy. This will help you avoid being creepy yourself with her or with others. Second, you can be a supportive friend and say things like "I am sorry you are being pestered like this, is it upsetting?" Do not be a supportive friend by taking action yourself such as telling the other person to stop bothering her, at least certainly not without making sure she's ok with it. Most young women would not be.

Third, if you're feeling brave, you can use discussion of her dating life as a way to start discussing her dating life and whether there is room for you in it. By raising the subject, she's opening that possible conversation.

What you can't do is conclude that a relationship between you might be possible or is a complete no-go, based simply on her showing you these texts. The information you need is not there.

  • My birthday is coming in a week and she is coming to it (a day later, she and i Will be alone at that point). Would that be a good time to start such a conversation? – Termatinator Sep 24 '18 at 5:24
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    that's a different question :-) The best time to start such a conversation is when she is clearly ok with having it. And that's a hard thing to know. But you know, 10 seconds after she has shown you a text like that is easier than 10 days after. – Kate Gregory Sep 24 '18 at 12:19
  • okay, one last little question, if i may. What is a good way of showing my feelings to her without losing her as a friend? Or is that more of a it Will or won’t happen? – Termatinator Sep 24 '18 at 12:27
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    not a little question. I don't really have an answer but if I did, it wouldn't fit here in the comments. – Kate Gregory Sep 24 '18 at 12:33

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