How do I interpret this situation my crush has given me? [closed]

Question

Please reword if necessary

My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have romantic feelings for her. I am not asking how I should ask her (that was the previous question, thx for the answers btw, really appreciate it!).

Recently she showed me a few texts someone send her who's also interested in her, but that doesn't go both ways (lucky me). She expresses distaste and frustration about that guy and she also says to me that he is a bit of a creep.

How can I react in that situation while also avoiding an argument with her.

additional info:

We are both autistic (PDD-NOS)

We are both introverts.

We had a child-relationship in the past, wich I have talked about with her and she still holds photo's and other things (like a little box) with her.

I slept at her house a week ago, in her room but in separate beds.

P.S. Due to my autism, I'm very bad at expressing emotions and writing long pieces of my experience

Answer 1

You really cannot interpret this action in isolation. She could be thinking:

ugh, this guy, texting me, expressing an interest in me, I don't want a relationship, so gross, it's horrible.

She could just as well be thinking:

ugh, this guy, texting me, expressing an interest in me, when he's nothing at all like dear sweet Termatinator, so gross, it's horrible.

Some people will think that she's showing you this to confirm that she's not dating anyone else, and to show you how close you are that she can share these confidences with you. Others will think she's showing you this to confirm that you and she are "just friends" and that she has a dating life which is separate from this friendship. Either or both could be right.

Especially with someone on the spectrum, trying to guess from indirect cues like this will be highly frustrating. She's not necessarily sending accurate cues (for example she may have strong feelings she isn't showing) and you're not necessarily reading the cues she sends accurately.

So, what should you do? First, you can learn from her what she (and likely many other young women) consider creepy. This will help you avoid being creepy yourself with her or with others. Second, you can be a supportive friend and say things like "I am sorry you are being pestered like this, is it upsetting?" Do not be a supportive friend by taking action yourself such as telling the other person to stop bothering her, at least certainly not without making sure she's ok with it. Most young women would not be.

Third, if you're feeling brave, you can use discussion of her dating life as a way to start discussing her dating life and whether there is room for you in it. By raising the subject, she's opening that possible conversation.

What you can't do is conclude that a relationship between you might be possible or is a complete no-go, based simply on her showing you these texts. The information you need is not there.