First of all,thanks for reading this extremely rambling question. This is a highly personal scenario I've wanted to get help with, and frankly couldn't work up the guts to talk to someone, not even my guardians. So I'd really appreciate it if you'd bear with me.

An extremely close relative passed away when I was taking admission in the college and I was not in a proper state of mind. So I tended to keep close to myself in the first few days. This guy, a sophomore picked me out from the very first day and started asking annoying questions, all of which I attempted to politely deflect; but this somehow gave him an incentive to progress to causing even more disturbance, until some of his and my classmates restrained him. Such incidents happened some time till the freshman-sophomore bonding ceremony of the college, and I did not really see more of him that semester, which led me to moving on with life and accepting said occurrences as bad experiences which could be ignored.

In my second semester, all was going well until one day which has traumatized me ever since. I was working in the lab with saws and files, and was taking a breather,when this guy passes by. Nonchalantly he pats and fondles my balls quickly before walking by as if nothing had happened. As he was passing by, a file I held at an awkward angle opened a tear on his fabric and this act was unintentional; I might justify it as a kneejerk reaction. He turned back and cornered me, abusing me for disrespecting my seniors and promising to get me after class. As I tried to leave for the day, a quarter of an hour later, he confronted me with two older seniors who shouted at me, while my supposed classmates laughed at me, and asked me to apologise to the guy. After initially being angry, I got scared, sought my bully out and apologised for any trouble or misunderstanding (I don't know what I had done to him to this day). Then at the gates he got an even more rough guy to scare me witless, and he tore my satchel as I threw embarrassment to the wind and ran out of the gates. This has taken a lot to come out with, and I'm admitting only recently that said event has scarred me mentally, perhaps for good.

I was ostracized by my mates and became a laughing stock to the rest. I was a tall, super skinny guy, and being laughed at was a regular part of my life. It became agonizing, and I couldn't live with that. Even going to college was painful. I tried to adopt a different persona, viz that of a talkative geek, but it doesn't go too well and hurts me more at the end of the day.

This story doesn't end in my sophomore days either. One day, as I ate during recess, this guy appears in the room accompanied by a few of my laughing batchmates. He proceeds to prod and insult me, even after I requested him to stop. So I clam up, because anything I do will be twisted by him as an excuse for violence, and soon he leaves, being bored. But then I went to the toilet and he sidled up to me asking why I did not talk. I tried to leave immediately but he blocked the exit and started pushing at me. I tackled him to make my escape, fell down and got my backside handed to me. I complained to the departmental head. When this guy is summoned, he makes it out that I'm an ill-behaved maladjusted aggressor, who can't seem to distinguish between good fun and violence. The professor made us shake hands and we parted.

These incidents have taken a toll on me. I cannot concentrate on my studies any more and find myself in a haze of nightmares and spurious bursts of anger at random things. I obsessively go through self-help books and martial arts videos to gain motivation, but this doesn't help either. Meanwhile this guy in his last year, has, it seems, begun targeting me once more. He hasn't got an opportunity to escalate yet, cause I always move with a few guys I recently got to know and he's stuck to throwing insults only. But I'm very scared though I try my best not to show it and maintain a stiff upper lip, indeed I doubt anyone apart from me knows about my trauma. But I've had my fill of such experiences and feelings for a lifetime and I would like to get concrete advice on how to get over myself and steps to take should I ever get accosted like this again.

EDIT:Noon and the others added insightful advice and I'm grateful to them for that.Though I'd really like advice on how I could have handled said situation better,since said person has once again begun an,albeit one-sided communication channel by recent means of testing my patience,I'd like to know how to respond to him in justified manner?

closed as unclear what you're asking by undefined, Ælis, ElizB, Spagirl, empty Sep 24 '18 at 20:46

Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • It is a bit unclear what you're really asking/wanting. What is your desired goal with this question? Maybe you can add that to your question. Otherwise it could happen that this question get closed because its unclear what you're asking. anyway, good luck – undefined Sep 24 '18 at 12:27
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    Do you want an interpersonal way to handle these bullies? Are you looking for "stealth" tactics to avoid coming to their attention? I think questions about your internal feelings are technically off topic, but it sounds like you are not to blame here, so please be gentle with yourself. I’d encourage you to go to your supervisor and report this bullying behaviour. You shouldn’t have to fear for your physical safety in college. – Pam Sep 24 '18 at 12:34
  • Thanks for pointing it out.I believe I really want to get over my fear complex.And have some idea of escaping said situation. – anonymous Sep 24 '18 at 12:34
  • I don't really want to "handle" this bully, but I also don't intend to escape by stealth tactics.I really need to know how I could have handled said situation better, and get over my fear complex, cause I've had enough of it. – anonymous Sep 24 '18 at 12:38
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    First of all, I'm sorry for what you are going through. However, questions relating to one's own thoughts and feelings are off-topic for this site. If applicable, instead ask a specific question about interactions with others which might be affected by or causing these thoughts or feelings. Furthermore, questions asking "What should I do" are also off-topic. Here is a link to what is on-topic: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/on-topic If doable, please edit your question to make it on-topic (it will probably get close in the meantime). – Ælis Sep 24 '18 at 12:38

Let me start off by saying that I am very sorry for how you are being treated, both by your bullies as well as the department head. My initial reaction would be to escalate the situation to an instance beyond the department head, be it his supervisor or the principal. This is violence in the school which affects your school work, as well as physical and mental health and that should never be tolerated.

However, "Nonchalantly he pats and fondles my balls quickly before walking by as if nothing had happened." is sexual assault and should be treated as such, and I would advice you to at least talk to the police about it, and make sure that it is documented. If they decide not to press charges, the situation has already been documented in case he escalates his behaviour.

I would also talk to them about the bullying you are going through and say that you want it documented as well. For each instance in which he bullies you, document the time and location as well as what happens in detail and bring it to the department head and say that you have involved the police and would like help in the matter. Perhaps then he will look at it more seriously. Or once again, contact his supervisor. Be vocal about the situation you are in until someone listens.

To answer your question, though: But I've had my fill of such experiences and feelings for a lifetime and I would like to get concrete advice on how to get over myself and steps to take should I ever get accosted like this again.

I think that some steps you should take is to talk to your guardians about the situation and get therapy as it helps to provide support and resources to deal with bullying. This is a situation which shouldn't have to be handled by yourself anymore. Hopefully your guardians are responsible and can help you escalate the reports of abuse so that it gets looked at and taken care of, be it changing school or him being expelled.

In the meantime, if you keep being approached by your bully, tell him that you wish to be left alone and any contact he makes with you will be reported to the school and police. If you are in public, be loud so you draw attention to yourself and your bully in hopes that he will realize that you are no longer an "easy" target.

  • Thanks for listening.At least it's cathartic for me.And thanks for taking the time out to help! – anonymous Sep 24 '18 at 15:05
  • Keep your chin up, it gets better. – JCJ Sep 27 '18 at 6:09

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