I'm extremely conflict avoidant. I am a peace-keeper in group situations because I hate watching people fight. When it involves me directly, I will do almost anything to push it off or avoid it. This inevitably does nothing but cause me to agonize for more time over the problem before addressing it, at which point it is often worse.
I hate haggling and negotiating. I'll take the raw end of a deal to avoid the conflict involved in getting a better one. I'm not a competitive person and people who are very competitive often don't get along with me because I don't play along with it.
I often catastrophize that the person is going to completely blow up on me and scream but that has never happened to me even once. Still, I drive myself insane waiting for the inevitable second where the conflict has to start. If I'm thrown into conflict unexpectedly I often handle it well, it's just when I know it's coming that I break down.
The only source for this I can think of is that my dad had a short temper when we were younger and would lose it over really small inconveniences. It was rarely directed at us and never physical (sorry waitstaff, cashiers, dad's employees) but as a child it made me feel sad/awkward to see and I'm sure that's had some lasting effect. He started taking medication when I was a teenager and it quickly stopped.
Example: I quit my job recently in favor of a new one. I was going to talk to my boss Thursday but didn't because I was afraid. Then Friday he was out and I wanted to do it in person (i.e. making up reasons to push it off). Over the weekend I was so stressed I mostly lost my appetite, I was constantly catching myself clenching my jaw, and now I've even developed a cold (possibly unrelated to it but I've heard stress can weaken your immune system). My boss has only ever been perfectly nice to me and during he was understanding and congratulated me on my new job. Walking into his office I thought I was going to pass out and my voice (I'm a mid 20s male) went up an octave and was at half volume for the entire conversation. It was completely involuntary, I was trying to lower/louden my voice so I seemed more serious/confident and I could not.
I don't have self esteem issues, I'm not depressed, and I'm a generally happy and fulfilled person. I just can't stand conflict.
I do not like this trait about myself but I don't know how to fix it. I am not looking to actively incite conflict but I want to learn to handle it without tensing up so much I'm sore for days after.