My one childhood friend asking me for marriage. He is my very good friend. I want to say him 'No' for marriage.


Few months before, I have seen a guy on Facebook in recommended friends' list and recognized him immediately that we were together since 1st to 12th standard. We again became friends. After some days, He asked me for marriage as he is also single. I have not yet answered him anything. But the issue is my expectations about my life partner are different. He does not suit in these expectations. Although he is well educated and well settled but he has a health issue. My parents said "Deny his proposal". I have to listen to my parents and also I myself don't want to marry with him. I would have denied easily his marriage proposal if he would not have been good friend of mine.

The Problem

He is my good friend since childhood. He is very serious and sensitive kind of person. I would like him to remain as a good friend only. I am thinking that he should not get hurt when I will say 'No' to him for marriage.


I don't understand, How to say 'No' to him for marriage so that he will not get hurt?


2 Answers 2


I don't claim to know much about Indian culture, and the speed at which he asked for you to marry him (only "days" after regaining contact with you) will be surprising to most people of a Western culture. But as you feel able to say "no" (ie you do not feel any obligation to say yes) and your only concern is how it will make him feel, I believe that is relatable accross cultures.

You mention his health problem, so I take it this is relevant in part to the way you feel. Even if it is not, you just view him as a friend and you don't want to hurt him. Perhaps his health problem just makes you feel worse about turning him down.

A good foundation for a successful marriage is when both people have realistic views of both the other person and themselves. Your friend has to be reaslistic about his health condition. It may limit his options in life, including his marriage options. And if he has had this condition for some time he should already realise this without you telling him.

If the health issue is a contributing factor to how you feel about marrying him, that doesn't make you a bad person - after all you are his friend. Maybe you don't feel that you could achieve your goals in life married to someone with ill health, or that you have the strength to support someone in that situation. It is your right to make choices for yourself.

So don't feel bad. Turn down his proposal the same way you would do with anyone that you just did not feel that way about. You are worried about upsetting him and are looking for some special way to turn him down that will reduce that somehow; but by treating him normally you dignify him far more than by trying to soften it because of him being in poor health.

By all means acknowledge your friendship, because that is a positive thing. Your goal should be to make your own feelings completely clear; to reaffirm your friendship, and to avoid making his health problem an issue.

You could perhaps say, or adapt:

Your proposal was a surprise, but I have taken time to give it serious consideration. After much heart-searching I must decline. You are a good friend whom I respect greatly, but my heart is not inclined to feel more than this. I hope that we can remain friends.


"But he is my good friend since childhood. I would like him to remain as a good friend only." is pretty much the best way for you to turn him down, and whether or not he accepts it is up to him. By asking you to marry him, he has put himself in a vulnurable position in which anything other than a "Yes!" will have a hurtful outcome; so it is best to just be honest about how you feel and what you want. How he decides to react to it is up to him and is nothing that you can change.

  • 1
    Can you tell us more about why you think this is a good idea? Answers on Interpersonal Skills SE need to be well-justified and backed up with either evidence or personal experience or well-elaborated logic that shows the OP that this is a good idea. See this meta post for more information on how to write a good answer.
    – ElizB
    Oct 10, 2018 at 20:03

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