So I met a guy at work a nine months back, and over time we became really good friends. Initially, he had a huge wall up, and wouldn't open up at all, but over time, as he began to trust me, he let it down bit by bit, till I became one of his closest confidantes about all things emotional.

When I met him, he was in a friends with benefits relationship, but he had feelings for the girl. Over time, it blew into a full- fledged relationship. In the meantime, I, being the absolute idiot that I am, developed warm fuzzy feelings for him. Of course, I didn't act on them, but they were very much there. As time passed we became closer and closer friends, but I moved to a different city for work, and most of our conversations were over text, sometimes over call. A month back, his girlfriend dumped him and he was heartbroken. He kept trying to get her to accept him back again, but she gave him a hard no. All this while, he'd talk to me and I'd listen to keep his mind of things. Two weeks back, he found out she was cheating on him all along, and he was shattered, and talked to me for a whole three hours, while in tears.

Well, before all this happened, I posted an article on my blog about having a crush on someone. It was an introspective article that focused on how I felt, no sappy descriptions of the guy or anything. So he chanced across it a week back, and kept pestering me about who it was. I held back to the very best of my ability, and this went on for two days, until he finally asked if it was about him, and I said yes. I wouldn't ever have told him at such a low point in his life if he hadn't straight out asked.

He was incredibly taken aback, and his first response was, 'This is fucking cringy for me, I don't know what to do,' followed by a whole lot of 'ME? Really? But we're so different'. Anyway, the conversation ended on a fairly normal note with him telling me we'd still be close friends and to not regret having told him. The next day, he told me he was always there for me if I was sad, and it felt really wrong to him when I cried. For a week, we carried on like we used to before and everything looked like it would be fine, till he suddenly stopped cold and left my text unanswered and stopped talking all together.

Should I just give him his space or ask him what's up? I feel incredibly guilty and confused.

EDIT: It has only been 3 days, but this silence coming from a person who used to talk to me a lot, every single day, still feels like a long time. The goal is to stay friends with him because I really like him even just as a friend because he's really fun to hang out with and caring as well. I wouldn't want to intrude if he needs his space, but I don't know whether he needs space, or just doesn't want to be friends anymore or even if he is ready to talk about this. I just don't want to make him more uncomfortable than he already is.

  • Was it just a single text he hasn't responded to? Is it possible he just got busy/forgot about that one message/something happened to his phone?
    – scohe001
    Oct 10, 2018 at 15:35
  • 1
    Welcome to IPS.se. Please consider editing your question to present us with a clear goal you want to achieve. Those kind of open ended should I... questions tend to get closed as OT.
    – user6109
    Oct 10, 2018 at 15:49
  • @scohe001 Yes, it has been just a single text, but it has been 3 days since, and he's stopped all communication cold. We used to talk a lot, every single day, even after I told him how I felt, so it feels a little deliberate. I would just ask him about it, but the last thing I want to do is ask him if he needs space, if he is trying to show me through his actions anyway. Oct 11, 2018 at 5:43
  • @Daniel Thanks for your feedback, I've edited the question to include what I want out of this, and some further details for clarity. Oct 11, 2018 at 5:50

1 Answer 1


being the absolute idiot that I am

No, you're human like the rest of us. Try not to worry about that. Nor the blog post because ultimately the only thing you've done is be honest and the two of you have / had established a desire to remain close friends.

I feel for your friend, he will be going through a rough time right now. His reaction to his girlfriend dumping him (it sounds like it never stopped being a friends with benefits relationship for her) and his reaction to your blog post is all going to be a flutter. He probably needs some time and space to get used to the idea she is gone and perhaps that you - his lovely caring close friend - have romantic feelings for him. Hopefully he'll see that he's quite lucky in that regard. He might even be upset at himself for how he reacted, you never know.

Anywho, whatever is going on with him it doesn't mean you can't still be his friend. If it has been a week, say, since you heard from him last leave him a message along the lines of:

Hi there :) Haven't heard from you in a while - hope you're alright - know I'm here if you need anything. Hope to speak soon :)

...and then give him space. You've let him know you still care about him; you've given him a chance to talk if / when he wants to; and with the ball in his court you can just give him the space he might need.

Hope this works out for you :)

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    It's probably important for OP to clarify how long this silence has gone on, as someone asked in the comments, before taking this advice. Maybe you can clarify at what point it would be appropriate to send a message like that? I presume you would agree that saying "Haven't heard from you in while" would be a bit off-putting if they haven't communicated for just a day. Oct 10, 2018 at 16:06
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    Good point @BryanKrause - for some reason I was thinking it had been a week Oct 10, 2018 at 16:13
  • @MatthewECornish Thank you for your insightful response. It has only been 3 days, and maybe I'm the tiniest bit paranoid, but silence from a person who I used to talk a lot to, every single day is worrying. Oct 11, 2018 at 5:39

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