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I know that people have their own points of views according to different religions, cultures etc. and so on, but how can I deal with people who outwardly come to you and find it wrong or a problem or just odd that you wish to stay a virgin until marriage?


By "deal with", I mean how can I make them understand this is my choice whether it is religious or cultural, and I will not be convinced by them so could we stop and change the subject. In other words, how can I make them stop asking me these questions and make it clear that this is my personal choice?

closed as off-topic by apaul, Bryan Krause, gparyani, ElizB, curiousdannii Oct 16 '18 at 2:05

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "Asking "What should I do?" is off topic. - Questions should ask for help achieving a specific goal. Your question is asking for personal advice on "what to do" without defining a goal; this is too subjective. Edit your question to explain what you hope to achieve and how you would like to interact with the others involved." – Bryan Krause, gparyani, ElizB, curiousdannii
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • Are there specific cultures to be considered in this question? – apaul Oct 15 '18 at 19:28
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    What do you mean by "how can I deal with"? What are you trying to accomplish? Change their view or justify yours? We cannot tell you what to do, just how to do what you want to achieve. – Crazy Cucumber Oct 15 '18 at 19:30
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    "every point of view in general" may be too-broad to be answered well in this format. – apaul Oct 15 '18 at 19:49
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    How does this even come up? From this question you make it seem like random people on the street are coming up to you and judging you, which can't possibly what's actually happening :P – Laurel Oct 15 '18 at 20:08
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    Cultural context is really important here, not for you, but for them. You would approach this very differently in Singapore than you would in the USA. – Carduus Oct 15 '18 at 20:26
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I think this question can be generalized to

How can I stop debate about my beliefs?

This applies to anything. Veganism and carnivores, alcohol consumption, smoking, studying Latin, having Instragram, watching Real Housewives or Walking Dead, abortion laws. It doesn't matter what is the problem, you always have a right to not listen to negative complaints about your behavior that doesn't affect others.

It might be useful to remind people that

  • it is your opinion and you are OK with it
  • they might have other opinion and that's fine too
  • your opinion doesn't affect them
  • you don't want to engage in this discussion right now

If they don't stop, you can nod, say "Yeah, I see" and physically walk away. There is nothing rude in that response.

In general, if you feel that person is not acting in good faith, you should avoid them. You have to start conversation having same goal. If their goal is to belittle you or change you, you are not having a productive conversation.

Depending on the circumstances, though, the person asking you might be genuinely concerned. For example they might assume you have some sort of trauma. It is on them to ask that question, but you don't have to answer that either.

  • The "it might be useful"- section is actually what would qualify as an overall answer or advice-answer, perhaps edit? :D – Salmaan Al-Faaris Oct 15 '18 at 20:45
  • @SalmaanAl-Faaris I also would like to point OP in the direction of other similar questions – aaaaaa Oct 15 '18 at 20:47
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    thanks, no offense intended, just a bunch of respect for your trying to help, here; 📦 – Salmaan Al-Faaris Oct 15 '18 at 20:58
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I used to deal with people arguing with me about me being a vegetarian. They ask questions like "Is it because you are from India?" and "What is wrong with you?" and "That is so stupid". I had my reasons. I had my justification for choosing to not eat meat. When I try to explain myself, they try to "convince me" otherwise.

I learned, the hard way, that they are not trying to insult you. But just trying to "help" you. When you believe in something that people don't generally believe in, they think you just don't know any better. Some people are genuinely just trying to learn the root of your belief system and understand better why you do it a certain way, while some just think all you need is some talking to.

This is what I started telling people:

Oh it's OK, I am not in a dilemma. That is just who I am and I know why. I have my reasons and I wish to stick with it.

People usually go "Ooookkk..." But then again, it is in fact your belief system that isn't up for debate. Just be direct with them.

Important things to remember when trying to not engage in an argument or debate:

  1. DO NOT try to convince them that your way is better than theirs. You don't want to seem like you're preaching your belief. When someone even thinks about talking to you about this, they are coming from the other side. It is just as annoying to them as it is to you if you try to convince them otherwise.
  2. Your question says "Religious or cultural". This shows a very good attitude about this whole thing. As in, you don't even want to dig as deep as "Why". Keep it that way. DO NOT mention either of those terms. That is just opening up a can of worms and leads to more questions/accusations/debates.
  3. Sound confident in what you say. Simply state a direct statement that tells them to stop "trying" to talk you out of your belief.
  4. Maybe start talking about something else right after. You want them to know how disinterested/indifferent you are towards their opinions on your beliefs. Just state the statement and carry on with something like: "But anyways, how was your day today?" or something, depending on the situation and the person you are talking to.

In conclusion, try to be as clear as and as direct as possible about your confidence in your belief and they usually stop. I've been there and I know it can get annoying.

P.S.: Keep in mind this: IF someone is asking you questions regarding your belief system with genuine curiosity and willingness to learn the reasons, you should definitely tell them why. Always support others willingness to learn. When they utter words like "But what about...." is when they are trying to convince you otherwise and when you need to stop the conversation. Don't immediately throw this at people because you make a lot of enemies doing so. Entertain the talk, block the debate.

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