My example will be salary negotiations specific but I'd like to know how not to let other person dismiss you easily from negotiations.

In a few days I'm planning to renegotiate my salary with boss of my company. He is a charismatic and outspoken person, and I know from other people he is not very willing to give raises. On the other hand, I'm a rather quiet and reserved person, although I know that in controlled situations I can be assertive. The problem is this will be far from controlled situation for me and I'm afraid, that even though I have some good points on why would I deserve the raise I might get quickly shut off and dismissed.

So my question is, are there some techniques or things I can do, to prevent myself from being easily dismissed, to continue negotiations when I still have something to say and not let other person end it prematurely?

  • I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this doesn't appear to be a request to improve interpersonal skills as defined in the Help Center. Commented Oct 16, 2018 at 11:11
  • 7
    @baldPrussian negotiation is surely an interpersonal skill, and asking how to do/apply a certain ips is on topic IMO, especially with goals defined like "how do I not get dismissed while at it"
    – kscherrer
    Commented Oct 16, 2018 at 11:13
  • @baldPrussian I agree with Cashbee but i think that it would also be a great fit for Workplace SE :D
    – MansNotHot
    Commented Oct 16, 2018 at 11:48
  • 2
    I think that's a great question for IPS. As OP says, salary negotiations are only an example.
    – xLeitix
    Commented Oct 16, 2018 at 12:37
  • That's correct, I'd be interested in an answer which could adress not only my case but also a general one if that's possible
    – aMJay
    Commented Oct 16, 2018 at 12:39

2 Answers 2


Coming from another reserved person, make sure that you present the reasonings for why you should have a raise in terms of data; i.e., "I have saved us $X dollars per year by...", "I have performed very well which has resulted in customer queues dropping by X.X minutes", "Here are several written compliments from customers about my work", "With my education and experience the average salary for this position is" and so on.

Play to your strengths, which is not being a quiet, shy type, but rather by being analytical (or such that often applies to introverts). You can still negotiate with charismatic extroverts because it is hard to dismiss logical data.

The real issue, for me at least, is staying on track with an extrovert because it is common to be overwhelmed and side-tracked, which is a way of avoiding your talking points. I find it very important to remain composed, and keep reminding the other person that you would like to get back on track regarding your work performance, as well as your suggested raise.

But to answer your question regarding how not to get dismissed in negotiations: it is just as much the other parties' job to negotiate a raise (or plan, idea, etc.) as it is yours, so keep that in mind and do not be disheartened when (most likely) he shuts down your proposal and offers little-to-nothing. If you deserve a raise then you should have the data to back it up, so make sure to use it to find a middle-ground which both of you can agree on. It should be discussion rather than a yes/no.

There are also, of course situations where the other party refuses to back down, where no matter what you say, do or show will make him change his mind, and in those cases it is better to shop around for other oppertunities.

  • 1
    And you need to know your BATNA - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. What will you do if you are refused a raise? And, the data above should be relevant to the person and couched in their terms, not yours.
    – Jon Custer
    Commented Oct 16, 2018 at 15:26

The first thing to think about is whether this is really a negotiation, or whether you're just making a presentation asking for a raise. Negotiations are about people who both have something to offer coming together and trading. In a good negotiation both parties walk away from the negotiation thinking they are happy with the deal. Salary discussions are sometimes negotiations and sometimes not. It depends on things like whether you're likely to leave if you don't get the raise, and on whether there are things besides salary that might change your job happiness.

There are a lot of great negotiations courses out there that have some very valuable techniques for approaching negotiations; I've taken the Scotwork course and found it valuable. So if you find yourself with the time and money, going and finding a course is not a bad option. But it sounds like you're looking for something more immediate. So I'll summary some of the points I've learned and practiced:

  • Decide ahead of time what your limits are. Will you look for another job if you don't get a raise? What level of raise would make you happy? What is your initial asking position; go in with that.

  • Have a wishlist of things that you would be willing to trade. If you're offered an acceptable raise, but not as much as you want, have items to ask for that would make your job more favorable. Would you like more vacation? Would you like some slight changes in your job? Would you like to commit to re-review your sallary in a specific time? Would you like to have a explanation from your boss on what you'd have to do in order to get the raise you want.

  • Have a series of questions to ask. These will mostly be to give you a chance to think, but they may well be valuable in and ofthemselves to help you understand your boss.

  • Think about possible options and about how you'd feel with them.

  • Do as much research as you can on what's typical for your company and industry to pay.

During the negotiation:

  • Be open about what you want and whether you have to have it, but not as open about how much you want it. "I need a raise," might be a great way to phrase things if you plan to leave if you don't get a raise. "I'm looking for a raise," is something you should definitely say. If you'd be interested in changing work hours if you don't get the raise or something like that, be sure to actually say that.

  • If you are getting off track and need a chance to think, ask one of your questions. Regroup while you're listening to the answer and then try to bring things back on track.

  • If you have to step back from one of your desired outcomes, be prepared to pull an item from your wishlist and ask for it. "It sounds like you can't give me what we both agree I'm worth this year. If you will agree to reexamine my compensation in six months, I'd be happy with the number you quest quoted," might be an example. The idea here is that you want to treat yourself as having value. You try not to just capitulate and give things away for free, but instead have other proposals ready that you'd be happy with when your first option doesn't work.

  • If you need a bit more time to think, ask if you could go grab some water or go to the bathroom or similar.

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge you have read our privacy policy.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.