Our family takes turns watching over my grandpa since he's 92 and cannot live independently without assistance.
I was at my grandpa's house over lunch and "Alice" stops by which was unusual- she is the mother of a man who is closer to my parents and they know each other through church- I'm not that close to Alice.

My grandpa and I were eating at the table in the kitchen when Alice came to visit. After some chit-chat (asking how they were doing, talking about family, etc.) Alice started kissing my grandpa and he placed his hand on her breasts under her shirt. They continued to kiss and touch each other and I was silent. It seemed like they were pretending that I was not present while doing all of this. I kept my eyes adverted but I could see that my grandpa was pulling Alice's shirt as much as he could to expose her breasts. I quickly finished my meal, washed my dish and left quietly without saying anything. I went back to work and Alice was not there when my brother came to stay with grandpa that evening.

I tried to make my movements not come off as rushed or aggressive in any way and tried to act as if I was unfazed. But honestly I was very uncomfortable and wouldn't want to be in that situation again. I feel bad for leaving my grandpa when I was supposed to be watching over him but he was unattended for a few hours at most.

I think I could have handled the situation much better than I did so I'm looking to talk over this with my grandpa in case it happens again.
I want to express to him that I care about him- I do not mind his romantic interactions or relationship with Alice- but the situation for me was uncomfortable and I was not okay with the intense PDA that happened in front of me. I'm not sure of an effective way to communicate this to him.

Misc. notes that may or may not be relevant on the situation:

I'm a young adult living in the United States

My grandpa can hardly walk and has some cognitive and memory issues; Alice is about 70 years old and can walk and drive

My family doesn't have anything against Alice but we do not trust her to care for grandpa

My grandma (grandpa's wife) passed away 25 years ago and he did have a girlfriend for a few years but she also passed away a couple of years ago. Alice's husband is also deceased but my family believes her son would be very angry if he found out about this situation.

My grandpa is very religious and conservative- so this behavior seems unusual but I understand that his desires are probably very human/natural

  • 5
    If your grandpa can't be left alone, then does he have the opportunity to have "private displays of affection" instead? Would you be okay with them doing that in another room if you're still in the house? I'm trying to figure out what your options are for you to feel comfortable and him to pursue this romance.
    – Kat
    Oct 24, 2018 at 23:40
  • @Kat I would be okay with private displays of affection in another room. It's typical for us to not be in the same room with him- mainly we're there to prepare meals/medicine, bathe him, help him get up to his walker, be present in case if he falls, etc.
    – aaa
    Oct 25, 2018 at 0:18
  • her son would be very angry if he found out about this situation, why?
    – gerrit
    Oct 25, 2018 at 9:13
  • @gerrit I don't know him well but that's what my dad said and I'm not really sure why
    – aaa
    Oct 25, 2018 at 13:51

1 Answer 1


What I found usually works best is to address this in the moment it happens. You can make a sightly humoristic comment to remind them that they are not alone.

Something along the lines:

Hey you two, will you please get a room for that?


Okay you two seem friendly! I better leave you on your own right now.

Say it with a smile and then leave the room / Let them leave. The trick is to make clear that you noticed, its no big deal, but you´d rather not be a part of it. They may need these reminders on more than one occasion, but they will get the message, eventually, when they make you uncomfortable.


Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge you have read our privacy policy.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.