TL;DR How to help/support a close person with no long-term goals in life who shies away from everything that is not immediately rewarding.
My brother seems to be completely unmotivated. The only things he does without being forced are watching sports/Netflix, gaming (I am not sure but I don't think he is addicted), doing sports and meeting friends. Everything else (like searching a job) is only done if there is consistent pressure (mostly from our mother). He is 30 and lives with our parents. He does not wash his clothes and cooks and cleans only if he is forced.
Today there was a discussion about the rent, which he is not paying. After this discussion I ended up writing this questions: He earns good money and doesn't spend a lot so he has more the enough in his account. It seems like it's even to much trouble to spend the money. When his parents asked him to arrange a standing order for the rent he refused. Not because he wanted to keep the money. It is to much of a hassle to either set up online banking or go to the bank and arrange a standing order. He even offered to pay them instantly via PayPal any amount they wanted, just so he would not be bothered anymore.
His main goals in live seem to be spending as much time watching Netflix and sports and playing some game on his phone as possible. It does not seem like he is happy or unhappy, it even seems like he doesn't care about his happiness. Asking him about goals and the future annoys him and if he answers, he says he doesn't care or he doesn't know.
- As far as I know he never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I don't know if and how much this bothers him. Asking him about this topic he says he doesn't care. It seems like he resigned.
- He is not a very social person. But he has some friends which meets and is integrated in some clubs.
My parents, especially my mother, are upset about his behaviour but, like me, they are absolutely clueless what should be done.
About myself: I am his younger brother, living 3 hours away from my parents and him. I come over to visit every 4-6 weeks for a weekend.
Reason why I want to change his situation
- It feels like he is wasting his life
- I think he could be happier
- I think he might regret his behaviour in the future
- His parents are suffering under his behaviour
- He might be lonely in future as his friends become more and more occupied with their families
How can I communicate to him that I want to see him more active and less lazy and unmotivated?