I’m asking this because today a girl, whom I like very much, invited some of my classmates to a Halloween party, but not me.

I wished for long time to go to a party, because I have never been to one before.

I tried to think and ask myself, “should I ask Ana to invite me to next party? No no, that’s stupid! That shows begging. Should I first become her friend and then be invited? No, I can’t ask her. Yes, it’s OK to ask. Aaah, it’s so difficult to decide…”

The reason for wishing to go to her party, is because I feel good in her company. I also think it could make our friendship closer, so that we can become best friends ever.

Question: How can I ask her to invite me to the next party without intimidating her, or otherwise risk our relationship?

  • 1
    Does she like you too? What do you know about her opinion to you? How close is she to you? All this is important to know, it makes the difference of how to approach her. Can you ask others to find out why you are not invited?
    – puck
    Oct 29, 2018 at 16:50
  • 1
    @puck Uhh, that didn’t cross in my mind. But, I wanted to go to her party, so that I can make her like me, and To Make her be closer to me. I was hoping that when I’ll get to her party, I was hoping for me to become her best friend.
    – Alex A
    Oct 29, 2018 at 17:45
  • 6
    @AlexA Whether or not you've done something to "deserve" not being invited to the party is off-target-- it's not as if everyone is invited by default and then some lose the invitation somehow. Do you have much of a relationship with Ana? Do you interact much each day, in or out of class?
    – Upper_Case
    Oct 29, 2018 at 20:16
  • 1
    @Upper_Case Well, sometimes. We joke together. I help her as much as I can with anything she needs, and she helps me too with anything I need. Just like brother and sister. And also, we talk in WhatsApp about anything.
    – Alex A
    Oct 29, 2018 at 20:18
  • 4
    So if you have whatsapp contact and talk about things, how come you didn't talk about this party? You could ask her what she has planned and see how the conversation evolves.
    – puck
    Oct 30, 2018 at 5:33

2 Answers 2


If you have a friend who is already invited to the party you can ask him to ask her if you can be invited. Many party organizers are open to let their guests have their own guests.

Who should you ask and how?

There are multiple persons in your class who are invited, you don't want to ask more than two of these persons (ideally one), because you don't want to be "that guy" who asked everyone to be invited.

Ideally you'd choose someone who is: one of your close friends and one of her friends. When asking, I would not mention the fact that you want to get closer to the girl. People gossip a lot, and if she learns it that way, that could lead to an awkward situation you want to avoid. Also if it happens that someone else has views on the girl, he could try to prevent you from attending the party. Just say you'd really like to party on Halloween but you have nothing planned yet.

Be prepared for a refusal from either your friend (maybe he doesn't feel very close to this girl and wouldn't dare asking her this favor), or from the girl, it's her party, you are asking quite late and maybe everything is set up for a fixed number of persons and adding more would disturb the organization. Or maybe she invited only her close friends, etc. etc.

I've thrown quite a lot of (small) parties, and there are some in which I had no problem telling my guests they could invite who they wanted (but I always validate first to be sure my place is not going to be too crowded, or set up a limit for invitations).

And in some other occasions I only invited my closest friends and told them they couldn't invite anyone else because I wanted to see them and only them.

So even if you face a refusal, do not take it the wrong way, there might be a lot of reasons.


If you're hoping to have a relationship, you have to let things happen naturally. Asking someone to invite you to a party is an interaction that would feel forced to most people, and I would recommend against anything similar to asking for an invitation.

The more natural way to approach this is to attempt to have the kind of relationship where you might get invited to a party or to just hang out. It sounds like you have a casual relationship with her, so you could ask her how the party went and mention that it sounds like fun to show some interest. Obviously, if you found out about the party in an abnormal or embarrassing way, then don't ask her about the party, but if you heard about it normally then it's fine to bring up.

I want to address something I saw in the comments:

But I don’t think I have done something evil to her that I deserve not to be invited.

Relationships and misunderstandings are something the internet currently refers to as an iconic duo. This is even more true for relationships that can become romantic. Communication is hard to begin with, and my advice is try to be honest and open, and to not assign meanings to things without evidence. For example, not being invited to a potential romantic interest's party can mean that she has picked up on your interest and doesn't share it, but it can also mean she doesn't want to make the first move. It could also mean that she isn't sure about her romantic interest and doesn't want you to think an invite to a party is her declaring interest in you. Don't pressure things and try to keep everything in proportion and you'll figure it out.

  • 1
    What’s that suppose to mean “I have found about the party in creepy way”?
    – Alex A
    Oct 30, 2018 at 16:55
  • 1
    I just talked with one of my class mates, and accidentally I have found about this party.
    – Alex A
    Oct 30, 2018 at 16:57
  • My apologies: I wasn't trying to suggest that you did. I'm just pointing out that if you found out in a way that if you found out in a way that would be embarrassing for her to know or make it uncomfortable for her, then don't bring it up. Finding out because a mutual friend mentions it is normal. A creepy way would be something like looking over someone's shoulder and noticing it on their phone or something like that.
    – dbeer
    Oct 30, 2018 at 18:34
  • @AlexA I have edited to the answer to be more clear I hope.
    – dbeer
    Oct 30, 2018 at 18:35
  • I understand you. Thanx for clarification
    – Alex A
    Oct 30, 2018 at 18:38

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