This is the story:

When I was studying my Ph.D. in Italy I knew a Muslim girl who was also studying there. She was a friend of my friend so we were just hi-bye friends. After I graduated I went to Berlin to work. I was so lonely for about 6 months then all of a sudden my friend in Italy told me that this girl is coming to Berlin for a period of 3 months. So I got her contact and we started being friends. We went out multiple times and she came twice to my place. But we were just friends and there was no sexual thing happening. Actually, I didn't want to approach her because I knew she was Muslim and their boundaries are different.

One day she told me that she is coming to my place and she will bring alcoholic drinks. She had told me before that despite being Muslim she has no problem with drinks. So she came we drank and we became drunk. Then She came and sat beside me to show me her photos. Then, I don't know how it happened but we had sex. Afterward, we slept together and she left in the early morning. I contacted her in the evening and she told me she is very sick and can't go outside. I wanted to go to her but she told me that her friend is taking care of her and it is not needed.

Two days after that I contacted her and she told me that for two days she is going on a working trip with her colleagues. After this trip I again contacted her and I realized that she is trying to ignore me by just sending brief messages without any kind of interest. And now she has turned her cell phone off.

Now the question is how one should handle the situation?

First of all, you don't want her to feel guilty about what has happened. Secondly, you don't want her to blame only you for what happened between you two and be an evil in her eyes. It would be good to have a chance and talk to her and talk things out.

  • Unfortunately, questions asking "what should I do" are off-topic here. Can you please edit to make it more clear what you want to accomplish and what ways of communication are available to you? Also, this related question may be helpful to you. – Em C Nov 3 '18 at 16:18
  • @EmC So I edited the post as much as I could. I hope now it is considered as off topic. – KratosMath Nov 5 '18 at 8:00

I would challenge the frame that it is even your place to do anything at all.

First of all, she doesn't owe you anything. Regardless of what happened between you two, if she is avoiding you, she is not going to answer and talk just because you harassed her more.

Second, there is nothing that you can do to improve this situation. You have made your intentions clear (That you wish to talk to her about what happened) and if she is not willing or unwanting to have that conversation then your best line forward is to move on and leave her alone.

At the end of the day, and in response to your final paragraph. She clearly just wants to move on and forget. (And if she doesn't then she will contact you). She doesn't owe you an explanation or a reason and you, too, should move on and forget about her.

  • The only reason that I want to do something is because I feel that I am responsible for the things that happened. And more importantly, I don't want anyone to suffer because of me. – KratosMath Nov 3 '18 at 13:45
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    @MsenRezaee But in your question you state I don't want her to blame only me for what happened between us. – paparazzo Nov 3 '18 at 16:02
  • The reason that I challenged the frame is that in this kind of scenario, no matter how you feel about it, there is no action (From your current position) that you can take that will improve your position. If she is ignoring you, contacting her harder or really trying anything only worsens your line. – Negotiate Nov 4 '18 at 22:19

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