My boyfriend of 5 months is currently living with me in my aparment. He moved in about 2.5 months ago, because he was kicked out by his roommate with a 2 week notice and completely out of the blue and since then, he has been living with me. We are both 24 and employed. I work a full time job while he works 15 hours a week but he is also still attending university.
If the reason of why he was kicked out is in any way important please say so and I will update this question. But since it is a long story I will skip this part for now.
I made sure to be clear on what I wanted when he moved in. I told him he could live with me for as long as he liked, but I would prefer it if he would eventually get his own place since our relationship is still very new (I just don't think you should move together after just 3 months). He agreed but also said he would be fine with staying at my place permanently. (To which i did not respond, since I already told him what i preferred)
We have not set any boundaries or rules on living together, since I thought this was only a temporary situation. And maybe it still is, but I do not know if he decided to just stay and ignore my preference or simply thinks that I got used to him living with me. There are now slowly things arising like:
- him taking a shower when I need to get ready for work, while he has a day off (I came late to work because of that)
- loud music when I need some peace and quiet
- no more time alone in my apartment
- a lot of laundry, dirty dishes, ..
And I do not know how to approach him about these things, since A) I do not want to suggest that he has to move out and B) he thinks he can stay because I am talking about long-term commitments.
I am not sure if A and B are in conflict to each other, but what I basically want is I don't want to "force" him to move out, nor do I want to invite him permanently into my place.
I want to keep a healthy relationship with him and eradicate the negative feelings I get when the problems from above arise.
I want to find a non-suggestive way of reminding him that I would still sort of prefer if he got his own place, without sounding like I want him to move out. And if he decided to stay, that there are things that need to change.
I guess he does not see the need of having to move out at all. If I was him I couldn't see a reason either. He lives rent-free, close to university, in a quiet area. Except for the weekends and evenings, he basically has a whole apartment to himself.
I am looking for an approach that won't hurt his feelings or suggest him to move out, but just to make him aware that there is a problem that needs solving. How do I correctly start up a conversation about this? What can I say or do so he knows he is free to stay with me forever if that is his wish (though it is not mine), but then we have to set up some rules?
And just for clearance: I would prefer it if he moved out. That means if he wants to stay with me I would accept that. But if he has no preference of staying/ moving then I would like for him to move out.
Thanks for all the answers and comments, I see now that I will have to talk about this with him openly if I want my issues solved properly.
As an addition, I will try to start a conversation about our current living situation and ask him if he is happy with everything so far. I have not considered the possibility that maybe he also has issues that he does not speak up about since he is basically only a guest.