You'll have to just tell her. You don't need to mention any judgments of her character, though.
It really seems like you want to tell her that you think she's lazy, and that for that reason alone you will be withholding your help. I doubt you will be able to level that accusation against her without hurting her feelings. Fortunately, that's a totally unnecessary thing to include when speaking to her. You can focus on her behaviors rather than her character. Contrast
I don't want to keep tutoring you and giving you my notes when you could easily get the information yourself by attending the lectures. The reasons you've given for skipping those don't seem very solid to me.
I don't want to keep tutoring you and giving you my notes because you're such a lazy person. You're too lazy to do any of the work yourself.
One is an explanation, the other is a judgment of her as a person.
This is a situation in which hinting (and other indirect forms of communication) is unlikely to work. She could legitimately miss your signals, and have no idea how upset you've become about the situation. She could also understand what you want to express, but pretend not to in order to keep imposing on you. No amount or type of hinting will solve this, since that sort of indirect communication inherently does not make your position explicitly clear.
However, in being direct with her there are a few things that are worth keeping in mind:
- If she's satisfied with her grades, then she's not wrong to say that
she doesn't need to attend the lectures. This may be entirely
dependent on your assistance, but is still true. Her approach to the
situation has been effective. That's not necessarily lazy (though it
certainly could be). This situation could well be the maximally
efficient use of her own time, even if it is less efficient with
- This approach she has chosen might legitimately be ideal for her.
Not everyone gets the same amount of value out of lectures, and if
they are especially inefficient for her it might be a better use of
her time to refer to notes from someone that did attend. That
doesn't mean that you have to participate, but that situation is
perfectly consistent with what she's told you about why she skips
- Making your notes available to her costs you very little. If you
just made photocopies for her each week, that would take a
negligible amount of time. Again, there is no reason that you must
participate in this, but it's a poor argument to use her (asserted)
laziness as a reason to decline helping her, when that saves you a
trivial amount of time and effort.
- Not everyone is equally good at taking notes, and even for a single
person that can vary from class to class. It's possible that for
these particular subjects your notes would always be superior to
hers, whether she attended lectures or not, and so they might remain
desirable no matter what.
- Teaching things to someone can be an excellent study method. As long
as it's still material necessary for the test, I personally would
consider going over things with someone less capable in the subject
to be a solid study method. That may or may not apply to you here,
but she could easily be mis-valuing this use of your time.
You can easily tell her that you don't want to continue giving her your notes and tutoring her, neither of which should hurt her feelings. You can tell her why you don't want to continue doing those things without hurting her feelings. You cannot make a sweeping, negative judgment about her to her face without risking hurting her feelings. You do not need to make that sweeping, negative judgment to her face.