This has happened time after time. When making a decision together with dad, he always goes behind my back and ignore my opinions, which is really frustrating and even infuriating some times for me.
For example, knowing my grandma's health was deteriorating while I was living abroad, I specifically asked my dad multiple times that had anything happened, I would like to know, so that I could come back and see her the last time. This February, in my visit back home, I learned from my brother that my grandma had passed away a few months back shortly after my previous visit. When I confronted my dad, he explained that he wanted me to focus on my work and take care of myself, plus I had just seen her in the previous visit, so he didn't think it would be necessary for me to come back. We had a big fight.
Today, I just learned a surgery had been operated on my mom against my concerns. About a week ago, my mom went to hospital as her chronic serious disease had gone worse. My dad let me know and asked about my opinion about the small incision surgery that her doctor had suggested. I expressed my concerns about the hospital (it's really small one in our local town) and the treatment plan. Based on my research, I found a new medicine just made available a few months ago that would radically cure the disease, which is only accessible through bigger hospitals. I suggested to check with the doctors there first and then decide if the incision is the best next step.
My dad went to these hospitals for inquiry. As we were just catching up today, it sort of slipped out of his mouth that the incision had just been done three days ago, before his visits.
I was really angry hearing about it. I would have understood if they told me before the fact. It's my mom's health and her decision ultimately. But again, I felt that he went behind my back knowing how I worried and invested I was. I felt very disrespected and that he could not be trusted.
Questions: How do I make him realize how hurtful this is? How do I make sure they inform me about my mom's health status?