I know it sounds selfish but here it is.

From the past 3 years, I have been living alone in a rented room. 6 months ago, I had to change the city due to a new job. The rent here is a bit high compared to the last one so I thought of having a roommate to share the flat and the expenses.

So here is my roommate who is my friend's elder brother. In the beginning, I thought that it won't be a problem and instead of asking a complete stranger to be my roommate, it's great that he is someone I kind of know indirectly.


Now it's not even a month, and its started to bug me to share the apartment with him. We both have different ways of living obviously but it's affecting me more because I have OCD. And because of which it is becoming almost impossible to overlook certain things.


So I want to ask him politely if he can move out. But I am unable to do so because he is my friend's brother and I think asking him to move out will jeopardize my relation with my friend.

How do I ask him to move out politely and without affecting the relation with my friend?

Note and clarification

The contract is in my name only and he just started living with me a few weeks back. Now he told me that he will find a place soon but he hasn't been looking for a place.

  • 1
    Did you tell him you have OCD? Wouldn't it be possible to find an acceptable solution for both? I think if you showed genuine willingness to make it work first, it would be easier to ask him to move out later.
    – Boondoggle
    Dec 9, 2018 at 4:59

1 Answer 1


I want to disclose that I haven't been in a similar situation yet. So if something with my way of thinking is completely wrong, please let me know.

Taking into consideration that he already stated that he will look for a new place, I would look for an open talk and maybe coming from another direction.

Just saying something in the meaning of "please search faster and move out" is likely to leave a sour taste, instead just kindly ask how it's going and if he needs a helping hand with the search. This way you can signalize that you would like this to go faster but in a very friendly way.

If he states that he doesn't want to search until new year for example, or something similar, you could state that you would really appreciate it if it wouldn't take that long. Maybe because it's stressing you or isn't good for your mental health. But don't forget his side and situation. Moving during Christmas and new year can be stressful and unpleasant. So not pushing too much would also be very friendly.

In that second talk, you could make clear that it's nothing personal, but an incompatible way of living. You don't really have to state your OCD as a reason if you would not like, but it might be that he ask what you mean with incompatible.

If that's the case feel free to disclose as much as you feel comfortable with. As in the previous talk I would try to form the conversation in a way it doesn't sound like allegations. "you do that, you do this" Form it more defensive than "I can't handle if X is like Y because of Z".

With this way, you will hopefully have peaceful talks and it should resolve pretty fast.

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