3

My girlfriend rings my phone each and every day, and I have to talk to her 30-60 minutes.

I'm kind of sick of the phone as of yet. How can I tell her that without hurting her feelings?


Additional, possibly helpful, info:

  • me: 33 years
  • her: 21 years

  • We're together for about a year.

  • Country: Czech Republic.

  • Possible reason: We see each other one day a week.

2

She may need to talk about her feelings or just chat about her day more than you feel the need to. This is quite normal - not everybody is the same, and being the same is not a requirement of being a good couple. You do need to "meet in the middle" on many things though, so don't be so quick to cut off these phone calls. That may make her feel insecure about the relationship. There may be a way to naturally cut back on them, though.

Also, remember that there are different stages of every relationship and you may reach a point where she is content to not talk as much. This normally comes when a couple are together more often.

While you are at this stage in your relationship, rather than tell her when not to call, or that she is calling too often, why not make arrangements when to call / see each other next at the end of each date / call?

For example, at the end of a date you could say:

So I'll see you next weekend on [day/time], and I'll talk to you during the week - how about [day]?

If she says "what about calling tomorrow?" you could perhaps reply:

I was hoping to have some time for [something specific - gaming, work, hobby, whatever] tomorrow. Is it okay if I do that and then call you on [day you originally suggested].

As you have made it clear that you will see her on a specific day and call her before then, she should be in no doubt that you are not cutting her off. If she is used to the daily calls or is a little bit insecure, she might object. Be sensitive to the change and reassure her that you aren't trying to get away from her; just trying to take some time for yourself.

Some things you could suggest if she isn't happy about not calling on a particular day:

  • suggest she has some time with her friends or on an interest she has?
  • offer to call and "say goodnight" after you've done with your own stuff, which could be a much briefer call and show her that you are still thinking of her.
  • something I feel could be important to keep in mind as well given her age in this particular question, some people when younger feel the need to be emotionally validated more often, having patience for this should come with the territory of dating younger – BKlassen Nov 19 '18 at 16:41
-2

What to say if your girlfriend is calling too often and she knows that you don't like that

My mother is a very talkative person and I, on the other hand, don't like talking, especially on the phone.

My mother knows that and this is why, when I feel she is calling too often, I'm able to tell her:

Mom, you already called yesterday. Please stop calling me that often.

Since she knows that I don't like phone-calls, she is always very comprehensive.


Communicating the new "rules" of your relationship to your girlfriend

In your case, you first need to have a conversation with your girlfriend about the fact that you want her to call less often/for a shorter amount of time each time. I don't have a SO and I'm definitively not an expert in this kind of relationship. However, here are some answers on related questions that might be able to help you:

From How to tell girlfriend I don't want to meet without hurting her feelings?

The key is honesty. Just tell her how you feel. If this is difficult for you, my experience is that if you just tell her that you're sorting out some feelings about your relationship, she will invite you to share them (and genuinely want to hear them.) Most people will surprise you with how appreciative they are of honesty, even when you're being honest about something they dislike. The hurt feelings are temporary, but the trust your honesty builds is long-lasting.

Just be sure that if you explain not just what you want, but why you want it. You're redefining the relationship not because you're not happy with her, but because you want to create a dynamic between the two of you that can work for both of you long term. Let her know that you've been doing things just for her, and need to be allowed to do more for yourself, otherwise you don't think that the relationship can work, and you want to make it work. The changes actually represent a bigger commitment to her, not less of one, even though it means time spent together where you're less attentive toward her. Be sure she understands that.
-- JessieArr

The answers for this other question might also be helpful: How do I tell my guests that I need time alone?

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.