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I have a team of almost ten people, allotted by an institution (college). A person from the team (say PS) always used to stay with another team and is almost disconnected from us.

Remaining nine people have hateful feelings towards PS. The hatred is not solely due to his smaller participation to the group, but also based on his conduct inside and outside the institution. He exhibits PDA, complains on friends to higher authorities, visits bad places (culturally), uses people for his own interests, etc.

We all, as a team, went to a trip twice, after our final exams, for recreational purposes. During the first trip, people invited PS and he came. But during the second trip, people intentionally avoided PS. Many times, people even forget to call and invite him for team events such as birthday parties, etc.

Currently, I am planning the third trip with my team. I'm afraid the spirit of the trip may get spoiled if I also invite PS. However, it will be impolite to not invite PS for the trip.

Some among remaining nine people are advising me to not invite PS so as to ensure we have a good trip.

I want to invite PS because he is an inherent part of the team and we, as a team, should not feel negatively about our decision afterwards.

Although they respect my decision and come to the trip, I have a strong belief that they may not enjoy the tour if PS comes. What should I say to them on my decision despite of the hateful feelings of the group towards PS, without spoiling the spirit of the tour?

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    Unfortunately, we can't make the decision for you whether to invite them or not. But if you do know what you want to do, we might be able to answer how to talk to PS or the others about that decision. Some additional background would be helpful too, what culture is this? What sort of institution, is this a school trip, a work trip, or something else?
    – Em C
    Nov 21, 2018 at 1:22
  • I edited, tried to add more details needed.
    – hanugm
    Nov 21, 2018 at 1:33
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    Great, thank you! :) I think one more thing that would help, could you give an example of how PS acts that they didn't like? (Answers would probably differ if he is just a socially awkward person or if he makes offensive jokes, for instance.)
    – Em C
    Nov 21, 2018 at 1:55
  • You seem to be in charge of organising the trip, could you please elaborate on this dynamic. Are you the college professor organising the trip? Are you the chairman of a club organising an existing team that acknowledges your leadership? Are you just taking the initiative but it would be fine for any one of the team to organise?
    – Jesse
    Nov 22, 2018 at 1:49
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    I'm just taking initiative. @Jesse
    – hanugm
    Nov 22, 2018 at 2:45

1 Answer 1

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Since the group's unwillingness to invite PS is still an unspoken phenomenon, it's important to bring it into the realm of conversation by bringing up PS' presence and the trip at the same time. One might be inquisitive about the situation, as if confused, and act as if wondering "whether PS should come as well", as

So we've got a trip coming up; do you think PS should come as well?

At such a point, you should hear feedback from some members of the group expressing their (dis)approval, at which point you should amplify their sentiment (for example, by repeating what they said or by asking for confirmation from others) in order for it not to be tacitly dealt with.

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  • It seems to me that OP already made their mind about inviting PS. Don't you think that if OP asks "should we invite PS?" and everyone agrees not to, OP will be seen as a traitor/tyrant when they will invite PS anyway?
    – Ael
    Nov 22, 2018 at 6:37
  • Some among the remaining nine people are advising me to not invite PS so as to ensure we have a good trip. They will recommend the same if I ask again.
    – hanugm
    Nov 22, 2018 at 9:14

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