I recently overheard two of my friends, that they are planning to go on vacation next year together with another two or three friends of us. Well, overheard may be the wrong word in this context, they talked about it while we all were out enjoying some drinks.

I'd really enjoy going on vacation with them. Since they openly talked about it while we were going out I assume it's not like they don't want me to know about it or don't want me to come. However, they haven't asked me directly. Also, I got a well-payed job, and they know that. So something like "maybe they think I don't make enough money to join a vacation" flies out the window I guess. We hang out frequently and I don't feel like I'm the fifth wheel (or would be in the future). We have a great time together when we are going out.

How can I ask them about joining their vacation, without making it seem like I desperately want to go with them? If they don't want me to join, that's totally fine by me. But I think they just passed over/ignored me when planning their vacation. In your answer, please also consider if you would ask them all together or individually, and why.

  • From the chat that you overheard, how certain are you that this vacation is going to happen? Is it possible this is something they are just humouring over and won't talk more openly about it (and therefore offer an invite) until they are certain?
    – user8671
    Nov 22, 2018 at 10:58
  • @Kozaky They were certain about the general timing (summer 19), where to go, that they want to get one of these vacation houses, the length of the vacation and stuff like that. But I think they haven't picked a set date yet.
    – Suimon
    Nov 22, 2018 at 11:56
  • only you can see "can i go to with you guys" ok I will say this
    – simon
    Nov 22, 2018 at 16:02
  • 2
    @Gilberto What?
    – Suimon
    Nov 22, 2018 at 18:23
  • Update for us??
    – guest
    Sep 30, 2020 at 5:38

1 Answer 1


Hey, I heard you guys talk about a vacation and I like that idea and would like to join. Or if those plans are private, maybe plan another vacation?

If these are friends, you should be able to speak your mind and your bring it up in a non-intrusive way. And as your goal is to go on a vacation with them (not specifically that one) you can also suggest a seperate vacation.

There can be many reasons that you're not invited, plenty of which aren't personal towards you. By suggesting another date, you leave the option of keeping their plan undisturbed while offering an alternative.

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