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My situation: I am 35 years old, female, from Germany. I work at the university and I have a lot of male colleagues. Two years ago, a friend of mine (no colleague, living appox 500 kilometers away) told me, that he loves me. I told him that I didn't want a relationship and he started stalking me. Over 300 WhatsApp messages per day, several voice messages.... He told be that he wanted to kill me, rape me, kill or cripple my friends. After months I had a nervous breakdown when he sent me pictures from the highway and when he told me he would come to my apartment and kill me. I went to the police and they forced him to turn around. I reported the whole case to the police and after a while the prosecuting attorney dropped the case (reason:he never attacked my physically). I changed my mobile phone number and deleted all social media accounts. Since then, he stopped stalking me. This was May 2016.

In April 2018,I found a letter in my mailbox. No stamps on in, just a single sheet of paper with an old image of me and a TF symbol engraved in my forehead... Including the words 'remember the trigger figure' (TF). I brought the letter directly to the police. A second letter followed two weeks later (at my birthday), this time I also found glass shards under the tires of my car. One week later I found screws under my tires.

Two more isolated TF symbols I my mailbox followed and the police granted me a preliminary injunction. The next letter was really strange. There was a picture on it clearly shot in my home town and the text had some distinct spelling mistakes, which were never made by the original stalker.

Around this time, a colleague told me that he fell in love with me and I rejected him. He works as technician in my department and he is very angry about his life and often reacts really aggressive against me and others.

Two more letters followed... Both including information the original stalker can't know... One was about field work in another country only my colleagues knew about. The second letter arrived today. It contained the family name of my new boyfriend and an image of my with the word 'disgusting' engraved to my forehead. I attended a symposium last weekend where I showed a scientific poster, which I did together with my boyfriend. This is the only time that somebody could have read his family name. We are connected nowhere else and therefore the original stalker can't know his name.

The angry, rejected colleague attended the meeting, too and acted really aggressive against me. He called me arrogant and selfish for presenting a poster and acted really jealous when somebody told him that I will not attend the conference dinner but spend the evening with my boyfriend instead.

I also received several emails from the colleague containing the same spelling mistakes I found in the letters and the letters are printed on the same paper we use in our laser printer.

My question: how can I ask him if he did that? I want to ask him first without informing the police because I don't want the whole workgroup to suffer from my situation. And I want to give him a chance to confess and stop it. How can I start a talk about that? And how can I deal with him in the future? He will stay at the university because he is a permanent employee, same as I am.

Any help is appreciated, I am really worried right now.

closed as off-topic by Tinkeringbell Nov 26 '18 at 20:20

  • This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, within the scope defined in the help center.
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    Hi Julpal! I know you said you don't want to go the police... But this is such a serious issue that can put you in such serious danger if you do this, it needs more assistance than we can provide. Interpersonal skills are the tools we use to interact with other people on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes these interactions are affected by issues that require the assistance of licensed professionals (therapists, physicians, lawyers, etc) and questions that indicate this need are outside the scope of this site. – Tinkeringbell Nov 26 '18 at 18:35
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    @tinkeringbell I am very thankful for your comments. I'll inform my lawyer tomorrow. The police wasn't very helpful regarding the last letters. That's why I fear going there. You can close my question if you want. The way is clear. Police, lawyer, university. No private talk – JulPal Nov 26 '18 at 18:41