I signed the lease for a small 2 bedroom apartment. I have had four roommates in the span of three years. The three previous roommates left because they moved out of town. The current roommate started in January. Our relationship had generally gone alright. He is clean and respectful in terms of noise. However, he is pretty quiet. We have had lengthy conversations in the past while having dinner and we have even gone out for dinner twice (although always my suggestion).
In the last months, situation has gone worse. He started wearing headphones while in the living room. I once tried to strike up a conversation with him by asking "How was your day?" to which he took the headphones off, answered briefly and put them back on. I reproached him that it was rude to put them back on if I was talking to him. He said that he didn't know the conversation was not over. I responded saying that it wasn't. Then he asked, "is it over now?" to which I affirmed. I did not want to bother him further.
The following day I asked him if everything was alright with his life. He had mentioned in the past that he was a bit burned out of work. He lives a bit far from home (7 hour drive) and does not see his family much. I know also he's the only child and his parents live in different continents (probably he was raised my his mom only). For the record, I am from Europe, while he is American. To my question, he responded that he doesn't want to talk to anybody after work and that he sees the roommate relationship as a business, where it doesn't have to go further than cleaning and mutual respect for each other. Then he asked me if that was ok with me, to which I said that honestly I would prefer to live with somebody that did not see this coexistence as a business.
Despite this, I never asked him to leave. My lease was up in November and I let him know that I was planning to stay until March and that he was welcome to stay longer. Mainly because looking for a new roommate for only four months was going to be difficult. I admit I would have preferred to live with somebody else, but it was more convenient for me to wait until March and live with him.
Our relationship deteriorated after our conversation about living together as a business. I tried to strike up a conversation with him a couple of times, but did not go far and he did not reciprocate by showing interest about me. Then, at the beginning of November, he let me know he might be leaving by the end of December. I told him that was ok. The next day though, I asked him that he needed to make a decision quickly, because if he leaves in December, it is going to be hard for me to find a roommate given the holidays. I told him that he would have to leave by December 8th (30 days after) if he left. After this, he said he was going to leave for sure and he got upset and angry that he needed more days. I told him that I was running the risk of not finding a roommate to move in right before Christmas. This situation happened to me last year, and because I went home for Christmas during two weeks, I could not find a new roommate until mid January. I ended up paying a month of rent by myself. I explained that to him and I think he understood, but it did not change his angry mood.
Yesterday, he told me he was moving out on December 1st and that he needed the security deposit before then to pay his new room. I told him that is not how it works and that he needs to leave the room before I give him back the deposit. He got mad and raised his voice saying that he needs the money and that I need to tell him what problems his room might have so he can hash them out before he leaves. I said I understood that and I would let him know. I asked him again if everything was alright given that he seemed very angry. I asked him if something in my behavior had not been alright and it is the source of his anger towards me. He responded: "We're not having this conversation. I will leave on Saturday and we will be all good"
Honestly, I am a bit scared because I have never had this angry behavior against me (I have shared houses or apartments with more than 15 different people throughout the years). He mentioned once that he would be interested in buying a gun so he could go to the shooting range. I don't know if he did.
Because he needs the money, I am planning to check the room if it needs work, give him 60% of the deposit and the remaining 40% once he leaves, to make sure the room is clean.
How can I convey to him that this is a reasonable decision?
Some more data. He is in his late 20s and I am in my early 30s. We shared costs for common things such as toiler paper and paper towels. In fact, whenever something is lacking, I just buy it and don't let him know how much it is. I expected him to do something similar and he has. At the beginning, he asked me once how much it had been the TP. I said he didn't have to worry about it.
My name is the only one on the lease. He never signed anything and I have no connection with the landlord.