For a few months, I've been going out to wherever they've called. Spent money on food outside, had drinks with these folks. I have my exams coming up. Every time I get a text saying 'Hey, what's up! Wanna hangout?', I've told them 'I'm studying' or 'I'm handling a group project'. For which I would get the 'rolling eyes' emoji reply. It drives me NUTS when I imagine them roll their eyes to my response of 'I need to study'.

It's almost like this cult that absolutely wants to party 24 X 7 and NEVER get serious. They bathe in their common goal of 'Let's mess around because our parents are rich and our lives are taken care of no matter what'. It's not that my parents are dependent on me financially or anything.. It is just that.. They only study when they absolutely need to. (night before exam cram sessions)

I want them to stop ringing me up. The expressions of scornful derision I get from them as a GROUP (4 people rolling their eyes both via emojis and when I tell them in person that I can't make it to this particular party) really ruin my day.. How do I let them know?

  1. If I don't want to join.. Stop ringing me up or texting me 'Where are you lost?' just because I stopping joining them for their clown-fest.
  2. Get them to accept me for the fact that I can completely stop joining you. I need to be able to tolerate them rolling their eyes. I feel like gouging their eyes out when they do that.
  3. I don't want to be called when I've already made it abundantly clear that I can't join. They don't take my 'I can't join you guys' text seriously at all!
  • 7
    The way you describe these people and their activities makes me wonder if 1. you want them to keep beeing your friends and 2. you ever want to join activities again. Did you answer they can stop rolling eyes because you are serious? Did you already tell them there is no need to call because you already told them your plans?
    – puck
    Commented Dec 1, 2018 at 12:01
  • 1. I absolutely do not mind if they completely stop hanging out with me. 2. I'm absolutely fine with not being able to join their activities ever again. 3. I've never raised my discomfort to them rolling their eyes. 4. I don't understand why this is not implied when I convey that 'I'm busy' through text. Commented Dec 1, 2018 at 14:40

1 Answer 1


I would suggest the direct approach, make a simple and polite request. "Please don't give me the eye rolls. You know I love to hang out with you, but I really need to study and I feel like you guys are scoffing at me for it."

It might prove helpful to throw in some flattery as an explanation, "I'm just not as smart as you guys; I can't get away with cramming the night before. If I don't put in the time, I'll get an F." (Of course, if you're truly brilliant, don't use this one- it could just earn you more eye-rolls.)

The reason I suggest this approach is that it will change the point of view of your friends: rather than looking at you as "a friend that does not want to hang out", they look at you as "a friend with a request". Keep in mind: everybody likes to help their friends, but nobody wants to be blown off by their friends

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