I've been dating a girl for a few weeks now and it seemed like she really liked me. We always have a lot of fun together and in the last few weeks we have cuddled at her house, as well as my house. Both of us are in our mid-20's so it's not like we're naive about relationships.

The last time we were on her couch I had to leave soon so I decided to go in for a kiss. First I kissed her on her cheek and she smiled, then I went in for one on the lips. The kiss was completely rejected by her turning away. Obviously I felt hurt, dejected, and in shock. I grabbed my stuff as quickly as I could and left. Later that night I talked to her and she said that she felt hurt that I didn't give her a hug when I left. Her saying that shocked me even more because I was scared to even touch her after that.

I'm not really sure what happened or how I could have read her signals that badly. What steps can I take to find out what happened and if a relationship is still a possibility?

Update: I spoke with her about it and she said that she doesn't want to kiss unless we're actually bf/gf, but I find the situation a little strange. She told me that she'd give me her "decision" on becoming my gf after school lets out in a couple weeks.

  • Welcome to IPS! Could you tell us what you are afraid of that you don't want to just talk to her about this? – Ael Dec 4 '18 at 16:15
  • When you talked to her, did you tell her any of this, about how you felt? What did you say when she said she felt hurt that you didn't give her a hug? – Em C Dec 4 '18 at 19:33
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    HI Jason, if you are trying to edit your post, make sure you are signed in before editing – spiral succulent Dec 4 '18 at 21:28

I find making light of yourself to be a good way of bringing up something like this and not having it be incredibly awkward. Something like

I'm sorry if I took things too fast last night, maybe I'm just terrible at reading signs but I thought a kiss might be a good idea.

This takes ownership of the situation on yourself and tries to guess at what they might have found objectionable about the situation. If you guessed right they may give their reasons or expectations, if you guessed wrong most people I've tried this tactic on will try to correct you and let you know why they really reacted the way they did. In either case it's important that now that you've gotten this off your chest and gotten a response to go back to normal (unless of course they disclose a serious underlying reason such as a past traumatic experience, but that's a whole other question), they liked you before for a reason after all.

This also works well for if you are completely misreading the situation and making a bigger deal of something they didn't even think about as they may respond like:

Oh no, kissing is alright I just [insert excuse e.g. 'don't like kissing when my nose is feeling stuffy']

Now your awkward situation is more of a light joke on yourself for misreading it!

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