They rejected the idea of a date because "at the moment [they're] not emotionally available", since they recently came out of a long term relationship. The breakup seems to have been caused by distance (as in "an ocean and half a continent").
Because of this, I have the impression that they are afraid of ending up again in a "distance" situation.
Unless there's more to the story, I am not sure how this follows - they said the reason is that they just had a breakup and they're not emotionally ready for a new relationship. If they are not interested in beginning a relationship with you at this time, and gave you reasons, it's quite disrespectful to argue about that.
Having been through a couple rough breakups myself, I know it can take a long time to recover. I had a friend ask me out a couple weeks after a breakup, and I knew I was nowhere near ready and said so. He tried to argue at first (think "ok, so when will you be ready for a relationship")... not cool, because it felt like pressuring me into committing to things that I wasn't ready for. Fortunately, he did accept that, and we were able to move past it and stay friends.
My second LDR - we're married and live together now! - did start with me knowing how serious he wanted to be. This made it extra daunting to accept, but because I was otherwise open to dating him, we had a long talk (several, really) about what our future might look like when we first got together.
I would like to communicate to them that, in the case we would be together, and they would decide to go back to the US, I would be up to relocate with them.
Is it possible to communicate this without sounding "stalkerish"? (i.e.: I'd like to avoid sounding like "if you move, I'll follow you no matter what", since if I would not be in a relationship, I'm very happy in the EU and I'd like to avoid the US)
It's going to be hard to say this because moving for someone can be a scary idea. Moving apartments is a big deal, moving continents even more so.
In my first LDR, my boyfriend talked about moving to me, after we'd dated a while. This made me pretty uncomfortable for a few reasons:
- He had no job, no friends, no family in my area. I feared that I would be solely responsible for his social life and happiness.
- On that note, what if he didn’t actually like the area? What if he missed his hometown more than he expected? Would he resent me for that and it would sour our relationship?
- It was way more commitment than I was ready for. What if the relationship didn’t work out? I felt like I wouldn’t be able to just... break up with him anymore, not after he’d gone through all that to be with me.
(Note I’m not saying these things would necessarily be true, but that is how I felt. And it’s not just me - I was active in an LDR forum for several years, and these same concerns were posted pretty regularly by people who were potentially having their partner move to them.)
So, you’re not even in a relationship with them yet, there’s no indication that they might be open to that later -- and you want to know how to let them know that you’d be open to moving countries for them if that changes? I’m really tempted to say you can’t, because this is something that people who have been dating for years still struggle with, and you’re jumping several steps ahead and second-guessing their reasons. That’ll make nearly anyone uncomfortable, let alone somebody who is still getting over their last relationship.
That said, the “creepiness” comes from focusing on the details of you two having a serious, long-term relationship when in fact, you have been turned down. So, the way to talk about being open to their country without being “stalker-ish” is to not tie it to “if we ever date”, but instead, talk about reasons you are open to visiting or living there independent of them. For instance, “I’d love to visit the Grand Canyon someday, that area of the country looks beautiful. Have you been there?” Or, “I think it’d be really interesting to live in New York City for a couple years, if only to see what it’s like, I’ve heard so much about it.”
Don’t force it, though. For one, it can come across as clingy and desperate. But for your own sake, even though right now it may seem like you’d be able to bear anything if it meant you could date this amazing person, try to keep reality in mind. That same LDR forum I mentioned earlier also got posts every so often by people who thought the same thing until they actually moved and lived there for a few months, only to realize they couldn’t stand everyday life in a city, or a small town, or a country that speaks a different language... it usually didn't end well.
So for now, just be honest and genuine in your interest with this person and their home country, and take this time as an opportunity to build up a friendship where you naturally learn more about each other’s backgrounds. If there comes a time in the future when they are otherwise open to a relationship with you, you can have the talk about moving then.