Note: In this story, I will call my ex-girlfriend as Clara and her friend as Susan.
2 years ago Clara and I broke up because we knew that our situation couldn't maintain it. It was a dysfunctional relationship coupled with philosophical misconceptions on her side and immature knowledge on my side; not to mention stresses about money and from relatives. I decided to terminate it so I would have time to fix it. This required hard work, and she couldn't believe that I could do that, but now I confidently say that my job is finished.
For various reasons the way I terminated it hurt her, and now basically she dismisses and degrades me. One year ago I messaged her friend Susan, but she said that there was no hope, that I was not Clara, and that I should have focused on my happiness first. For the rest of the conversation she just kept silent (e.g. my Facebook messages were marked as "seen").
From How to Get Someone to Try New Things, I learned that as long as I have a perfect combination of words to message her, then I could open the doors that both Clara and Susan locked on me. But it also means that if my first contact ends up badly, then they will close themselves tighter than before. I want to act carefully. I intend to send Susan this:
I now have the answer for the question: "you are not her, how do you know what she wants?". Do you want to hear it?
I have consulted a friend of mine, and she is convinced that I know what Clara wants, and urges me to contact her. But for various reasons I want to talk to Susan first so that she will tell Clara to contact me, and this is where my friend worries that Susan won't answer me. She thinks that if she were Susan, she wouldn't want a person who had made her friend sad approaches her again. Whether I can prove to Susan that I'm qualified to get back into a relationship with Clara is irrelevant; she needs to see that Clara won't be hurt again. But the only way to show Susan that Clara won't be hurt again is for her to listen to me before judging me. She needs to help me understand what she doesn't understand, and this requires effort.
Honestly I think there is no reason for Susan to keep silent with me this time, but to be extremely cautious I want to hear what you think. How can I approach Susan and make her understand I need her to listen to me before trying to talk to Clara? The country is Vietnam and the philosophy is Taoism.