Meghan, a member of a close friend group, is pushing me to attend an event with her via repeated, public statements. I find these confusing, distracting, and would like them to stop, with minimum bridge-burning required.
This year, I began to take a class at my college, the class in particular being a rather small one (about 20 people). The gender ratio in the class is fairly skewed, with 4 males, of which I am one, to 16 females of which... let’s call her Meghan... is one. We’ve become a fairly tightly knit group, as we’re in a very high level class in a minority major at our school.
Problems only began to emerge a couple weeks in. There is a social event toward the end of the year that is a highlight of most people’s school year. It is not mine. I find no enjoyment from these sort of social situations, as I am introverted and do my best to avoid this sort of situation. I consider my aversion to be fairly unimportant, just a facet of my personality, but my class does not agree, most of all Meghan. They feel like I am ‘missing out’ on something or other from these social events. I do not feel the same way, and I do not foresee that changing.
Meghan disagrees with me on that as well. About two weeks into the semester, I had to wear business attire for a meeting, and I was running late for class, so I showed up in the attire. Toward the end of class, Meghan asked in front of the class of that was what I would wear when I took her to the event. I was confused, but the entire class found it humorous, so I just responded I was not attending the event, and as such wasn’t taking anyone, and carried on. About a week and a half-ish later, she made a comment about her taking me. Yet again I was confused, and was wondering why she mentioned it in front of the class. I repeated my denial, and carried on. Two more weeks pass, and she takes the tact of texting me, asking if I would ever reconsider not going, and taking her instead. I responded that, should I change my mind and attend, I would consider taking her; after all, why not? If my opinion on something as fundamental as that shifted, my thoughts on who to take would likely have shifted as well. She found this answer quite satisfactory, and left me alone, for the most part. Now, several weeks passed following this without event, however she did make one more public comment, about a week ago, just something passing about the event. I also recently was accepted into a quite prestigious program for our subject, but it didn’t occur to me I should mention it to anyone other than the Professor. But when I made an off handed comment to it about the class, I got a rush of congratulations, and Meghan made a comment in a loud, nigh-mocking tone, asking why she didn’t receive some sort of heads-up. This I didn’t get at all, and responded truthfully- the only people I had told were relatives, those that helped me with my application, and someone I know in that program. She falls into none of those categories. She responded with an ‘Oh, alright,’ but obviously was not satisfied with the answer.
I’m not used to this sort of attention. I’ve never given much thought to my appearance, I’ve always considered myself fairly average in that regard. However, as a quite private and introverted person, I don’t appreciate these repeated public advances: they don’t really serve a purpose (from what I can see), I’m very unlikely to be swayed from my position, especially by arguments of this sort, and I’d appreciate it to stop. However, I have no idea how to broach the subject of halting these public displays.
I would not like to burn bridges, I would just like to stop these displays. An ideal answer would show an Interpersonal Solution that would
- Result in the cessation of the public display, or at least encouraging a more private display
- Effectively explain to Meghan I don’t want to attend the event, and that’s unlikely to change
- Avoid burning bridges or forming a rift in my class- it’s a tight knit community, and I don’t want it to fall apart due to my action
Thank you, I appreciate any answer, and I hope to clear this situation up.