My flatmate and me are very good friends. Both me and her put a lot of emphasis on cleanliness in our whole apartment (what is suiting completely fine).

For a few days her family stays here for a visit and her brother (beginning of his 20's) is using our toilet as well. However, the brother regularly flips up the toilet seat when peeing (in standing position) and also doesn't clean the toilet very well after defecating. Due to the fact that we have separate male and female toilets my flatmate doesn't know about the sanitary legacies of her brother.

  • How can I politely explain that I wish to leave the toilet in a clean condition?
  • Should I tell this to her brother directly (without involving any third party what could make her feel ashamed)?

Circumstances: Western Europe

  • 6
    I'm confused. Aren't men supposed to lift the seat when they pee? Also, you expect your guests to clean after every defecation, and he is, but you think he could be doing it better? Jan 1, 2019 at 21:03
  • Hey Dave, welcome on IPS :) just FYI, we can't answer your second question, as "[what] should I [do]" questions are off topic for this stack, plus we usually prefer questions that ask for a single thing at a time; in view of this, you may want to edit your question to narrow it down to your first bullet point. Check out our tour or ask us should you need further help with anything. Have a great time around!
    – avazula
    Jan 2, 2019 at 8:36
  • 1
    @KateGregory: On a common WC, men should sit down when peeing in my opinion. But your second guess was right: Yes, I wish that he would clean better... :-)
    – Dave
    Jan 2, 2019 at 23:25
  • @Dave I have never met any man who sits down to pee. Kate is correct; maybe its a cultural thing, but I've always found standing up with a steady aim to be perfectly adequate. Oct 17, 2022 at 9:59

1 Answer 1


If nothing else helps you will have to be honest. But you have options before that.
Start the soft and subtle way that doesn't address one person directly but expresses your wish in general.

Place a sign in the toilet that tells to sit down. There are plenty of suggestions in the internet. Find one that explains why, it's not because you have to flip the seat back but it's because the height when standing makes pee sprinkle around.
The same for cleaning the toilet.

This avoids talking to the person which is an uncomfortable situation for both of you. The signs could help even better if he realizes they are new.

If this doesn't work you can start more invasive methods. Such like asking if he noticed the sign.
A more direct but still not 100% confrontional method could be to highlight the sign in some way after he used the toilet a couple of times without taking notice. This is another new situation that could make him aware of "hey this addresses YOU".

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